its a relatively good night tonite. its an off night though. one of those nights when you are just not yourself. off nights arent as bad as they can appear though. to some extent, its liberating. you dont have to be yourself for some time at least. you arent anyone else but who you want to be. shape your being to fit your mood, the moment. say what you want to say, see what you want to see, hear what you want to hear but listen to what you want to listen to. appreciate it now because tomorrow you will fit the mold again, the mold of you, that sounds like you, looks like you and says what you say. thats the sad part. we arent who we really want to be except when you arent yourself. our focus needs to change from the perception of others to what we percieve from the first hand view. society naturally pushes us together and makes us conform, its sad that identities are lost in order to fit the puzzle. like in a dream. if you wake in a dream you can live it. you can do or change anything. that is what i call freedom, what we can do or see or be when we dont realize or care that nobody is watching us. its the true bliss of innocent ignorance. if you can be who you want to be without influence, then you are free.
i should be happier... ive got wonderful music, (mostly) great friends to talk to, this moment is perfect. i should celebrate it, appreciate it more. ive got it all but dont feel like using it. im floating but dont try to fly. i know that this moment wont last for long, that as soon as it ends i will forget it, i cant help that but it would be nice. i cant preserve it, pictures couldnt show, words couldnt tell, sounds couldnt express, what this moment is capable of. the sad part is that all that i write now wont make sense later. you cant understand the words without having known them personally. once i leave i wont understand it again. but for now, i will commit the deadly sin and pass... maybe this moment will come again someday. i can't count on it, just hope... maybe in a dream, i can be saved.