truth is guys, all day i have this crazy underhanded inner monologue that dictates things to write about all the time. the problem is, when i get home and find the time to write hours later... its all changed and the words arent the same. maybe its boredom, apathy, etc. but i wish i had a laptop. anyway, i was at the pool again today and ive got a little human interest for you.

another essay in the 'yall cant judge a book by its cover' series. its actually the first one. theres a little girl at my pool named jenny. at first i got the impression that jenny was dumb (i mean that in the serious sense not the derogatory elementary sense). she acted almost normally, sweet girl, but her speech was semi slurred, wavered in octaves, and, although understandable, generally a little akward in presentation. so, obviously this brought out some emotions for her. the depressing part is, its easier to look down on the mentally handicapped than to feel sorry for them. sometimes its just not something you want to deal with, you know. so naturally (and sadly) i found myself listening to the other kids more so maybe i wouldnt have to think about the special girl. well i was walking around the deck a few days ago and one of the lifeguards was talking to jenny's mother about her and her school etc. thats when i picked up that she wasnt dumb, she was deaf. suddenly i cant ignore the girl, but nor do i want to either. the child is amazing to me. she cant be more than twelve years old but she read's people's lips and knows sign language. not only that, but remember, she can talk to you too even though she cant hear it herself... imagine that. i can never imagine myself being able to read lips or do sign language or speak without being able to regulate it with my ears. she is just incredible to me. today while i was on the stand i noticed that jenny was at the deep end of the pool with the other kids. i kept watch while the other kids all migrated to the shallow end and then i glanced over for a minute at the little children in the real shallow end before i realized i didnt know where jenny was. it occurred to me that i couldnt deal with it if she drowned or something so i quickly scanned the pool water but didnt see her. finally, bemused, i found her standing still with one finger on the deck of the high stand at the other end of the pool. she was trying to get a little black butterfly to get on her hand. it was so sweet. i couldnt help but just watch her for a minute before shifting my attention back to the other kids in the pool. another few minutes and i checked back on jenny but this time she was in a chair at the other end trying to get the same butterfly after it had flown off the high stand. i watched as it flew away again up and out of her sight. i saw it land three chairs over and wanted to yell its location to her but she stood up and saw it, walked over, sat down and continued enticing the bug. after a minute or so i realized i had been watching just her and in a fit of embarrassment had the urge to cover my eyes with my sunglasses (which i did) so it wouldnt look like i was just staring at jenny (which i was). i still find it odd how first impressions can be so wrong and how the most forgettable people can become so intriguing in a matter of seconds. jenny still amazes me, still makes me wonder how i would be spending my life if i were in her shoes, if i could ever live like she could. almost flawless lipreading and speech from a twelve year old deaf child... yeah, theres a god in heaven.


"when everybody loves you... you can never be lonely" ~ counting crows