monday

it is almost monday. no, that's not why the post is titled so. if you can figure out why, i will give you five dollars. i swear to god. hint that won't help: it's part of the blanket just like you and me and the moon.

i'm home for the first time in a while. and i'm still scared. i turn the lights off in the kitchen and try and walk out without looking out the windows. didn't help that i just finished watching 'saving private ryan'. now i'm convinced that when i do get shot, it will hurt a lot and i will bleed profusely from six new orafices before that sweet chariot rescues me from this life. know what else i am scared of? that a fire alarm will go off while i am on the toilet. or, worse, in the shower. i am actually afraid of it.

but i'm so tired. so fucking tired. not just physically... i'm tired of feeling sick when thinking of zizou. i was just starting to like the guy. fuck. i'm tired of many many people and their shit. shit.shit.shit. full of shit, so many people. i need to make new friends/make the old ones again. i have done so little enjoyable this summer it makes me sick. sicksicksick.