dold objekt
this is not a rescission.
i just... feel the need to clarify.
i don't mean that i don't need you in my life. i know i said that, but i'm really not so much of a bastard. there are people i don't need anymore. you're just not one of them. see, i'm cursed with an inability to let go. it may not be a problem with most people. there are friends i haven't spoken to all summer, who never said goodbye, and i never have second thoughts about them. i told myself when this started to be careful. i was guarded, to some extent. it got me through some of the rough times. but as much as i can try and be guarded, when i get close to someone, i care. and that's what sticks with me.
i meant it when i realized that we weren't right for each other, and i should still agree. what i work to avoid is getting screwed by that realization. you told me one night in your room that you didn't want to speak to me this summer. you didn't want to miss me, to feel alone. i had enough of that before you. so, it's not that i don't need you in my life. it's that i don't get lonely when we don't talk, that i don't miss you so much that it hurts, that i don't need you in my life. but i want you there. i said it before, i care, no matter what {well probably not no matter what but let's not push it}. we can be friends. i can miss you without hurting inside. there's always more complications to work out but those will come and go. and i wouldn't change anything.
the unfortunate side-effect of all this is that, in order to deal with myself, i change things. i villanize you and subsequently take up a someday. no, it's not fair, and i don't pretend that it is. i wouldn't want to be you right now. for dealing with me. so much as i get by without you, it still makes me nervous to read your letter. i still don't talk to you like i do other people. sorry for that. and as for someday? well someday you will want a real relationship. but, someday i will be living in new york city with saffron. someday bear's gonna realize that what really matters is how good a friend i can be. someday muffin {haha} and i are going to meet face-to-face. i'm not too worried. sooo... i don't know. i've lost track of myself.
so we will be fine. things are ok. we can be friends. and when we figure out how to do that...
i'll meet you in copenhagen
i just... feel the need to clarify.
i don't mean that i don't need you in my life. i know i said that, but i'm really not so much of a bastard. there are people i don't need anymore. you're just not one of them. see, i'm cursed with an inability to let go. it may not be a problem with most people. there are friends i haven't spoken to all summer, who never said goodbye, and i never have second thoughts about them. i told myself when this started to be careful. i was guarded, to some extent. it got me through some of the rough times. but as much as i can try and be guarded, when i get close to someone, i care. and that's what sticks with me.
i meant it when i realized that we weren't right for each other, and i should still agree. what i work to avoid is getting screwed by that realization. you told me one night in your room that you didn't want to speak to me this summer. you didn't want to miss me, to feel alone. i had enough of that before you. so, it's not that i don't need you in my life. it's that i don't get lonely when we don't talk, that i don't miss you so much that it hurts, that i don't need you in my life. but i want you there. i said it before, i care, no matter what {well probably not no matter what but let's not push it}. we can be friends. i can miss you without hurting inside. there's always more complications to work out but those will come and go. and i wouldn't change anything.
the unfortunate side-effect of all this is that, in order to deal with myself, i change things. i villanize you and subsequently take up a someday. no, it's not fair, and i don't pretend that it is. i wouldn't want to be you right now. for dealing with me. so much as i get by without you, it still makes me nervous to read your letter. i still don't talk to you like i do other people. sorry for that. and as for someday? well someday you will want a real relationship. but, someday i will be living in new york city with saffron. someday bear's gonna realize that what really matters is how good a friend i can be. someday muffin {haha} and i are going to meet face-to-face. i'm not too worried. sooo... i don't know. i've lost track of myself.
so we will be fine. things are ok. we can be friends. and when we figure out how to do that...
i'll meet you in copenhagen
posted by sunshine at 11:59 PM
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