the goddamned lovliest melody

i'm at the beach... and yet, i'm sitting alone in the dark watching the late show and writing. what a night. nothing unusual. i changed the time of this post from 11:50 to 11:49 because i didn't like the fifty. and there's bright eyes stuck in my head and i really just want to be anywhere with people. actually, i really want to take a flask, fill it with jose, and go walk on the beach with emily. {the key to that statement is that i know about fifteen emilys... so take your pick. if its you, you probably already know it...}

i am teaching myself to play piano. the lesson i showed up for was bullshit. an expensive waste of my life. i thought he hated me when i interrupted his lesson to tell him mine was supposed to start eight minutes ago. the middle aged woman at the piano yelled, 'just a minute, i got two more measures' at me without turning around. great. this guy is old, fat, looked weak. i really got the feeling he had diabetes, although i have no idea how to back that up. he had short, thick, sausage fingers, dry looking and deeply scarred with wrinkles. i have no idea how he ever played piano. i'm not really going to go into this, other than to say that i tried to explain that i had six years of musical experience and he ignored me and brought in books for third graders and we learned notes. i dropped the books off at the counter on the way out, made a sarcastic comment, and raced home to watch hockey. soooo i'm getting a refund. bullshit.

why is it that when i mute the tv i can still hear what they are saying?

being the musical genius that i am - yeah - and trying to remember high school music theory, i pieced thirds and fifths and whatnot and learned all the major chords. after that, all the minor chords. i'm afraid that's as far as i'm going to get, though. i never was good at theory. {thought i just saw a hat walk across the counter} my left hand works a lot better than my right. it's from playing the guitar for years. my right fingers are much better at going up and down while my left fingers... well, they do shit. so i sit and play songs i wrote. i play bright eyes tunes, whatever comes to mind. whatever i know the chords for. and i'm really not bad. it would have taken years of those lessons for me to learn the Bm chord. i ordered the sheet music for 'songs for silverman'. i can't wait to be disappointed that i can't already play it. i can feel it now...

i lay in bed last night, like i used to. headphones in, curled up to sleep. same old music, same old love. if you really know me, you know who i'm talking about. and believe me, i would still marry her without thinking twice.... :)

if only it were that easy.

i sat outside eating a hamburger with my mother and sister tonight. watched an ant or two skittering around in the grout and tiles of the condo patio. i bet those ants are pretty damn fast, in terms of their body size. "i wonder if ants can walk backwards" i said to my mother. "you know, in my forty-eight years of living, i don't think that has ever crossed my mind" she responded. i like it when people think that. also, the windchime to my left, it's all in the same major key. that's why it sounds so nice. bet you didn't know that. i think someday i will market a jazz chime, all in minor pentatonic. it will be a hit.

in another year i will be getting ready to go abroad. i can't wait, really. gonna buy a little tiny camera to carry in my pocket and walk the streets of copenhagen. could anything sound as lovely? weekend bike rides in sweden... better in theory, i'm certain. everything hinges on something or other. well, in reality, everything hinges...

i get high with a little help from my friends

;)