cold roses
ryan adams is on tv. for a split second, as he stuck out his neck to hold a chord, face grey under the lights, he looked like my old soccer coach. i miss that guy. but adams is a music man, and i love that. i got myself on a list of students today. gonna learn the piano. i don't know how this is going to happen. i play guitar all the time, i can handle that. piano's something different entirely. not so easy to keep to yourself. no practicing at night. fuck, i find it hard enough to play for other people anyway and that's only when i know what i'm doing. praciticing music i like while family can hear? i might only touch the damned thing when nobody's around.
my parents try and convince me to go to church. have to drive my sister in so she can go. i could just turn them down but i don't want to be difficult. i just don't see what good they think it will do. do they feel as if they can force me into an hour of service and it will change my mind about everything? i possess the same psychological difficulty of nearly every other teenager. you make me go to church and i will dislike it even more. you tell me there's no way i will ever buy a motorcycle while living under this roof, i will want it even more. i can't tell you how happy or unhappy, how different i would be if i were allowed to simply make my own decisions. i certainly enjoyed it at school. do you know when church would really do me good? when i want to go. i will make that choice, and sometimes i do want to. that's when it would do good. when i fulfill myself with it, by my own volition. and if i make up my mind, free of outside influences, and figure for myself that a motorcycle is too damn dangerous and stupid then i won't ever ride one. and i will be ok with that. but if all you can do is read me articles out of the newspaper of drunk teens crashing their crotch rockets at 150 into a grove of trees, you have to believe me when i tell you that it's not me. and that i will never get over it like this. because I DO BELIEVE IN GOD and it has nothing to do with whether i agree with church or not. and i do agree that motorcycles are stupid. but i can also imagine it as something almost spiritual in its freedom. and until i make up my mind for myself, don't bother.
{same goes for drugs and some other less couth things...}
heh, and i could stay up all night talking about my spiritual reawakening for some night with a motorcycle. someday... ohhh someday.
my parents try and convince me to go to church. have to drive my sister in so she can go. i could just turn them down but i don't want to be difficult. i just don't see what good they think it will do. do they feel as if they can force me into an hour of service and it will change my mind about everything? i possess the same psychological difficulty of nearly every other teenager. you make me go to church and i will dislike it even more. you tell me there's no way i will ever buy a motorcycle while living under this roof, i will want it even more. i can't tell you how happy or unhappy, how different i would be if i were allowed to simply make my own decisions. i certainly enjoyed it at school. do you know when church would really do me good? when i want to go. i will make that choice, and sometimes i do want to. that's when it would do good. when i fulfill myself with it, by my own volition. and if i make up my mind, free of outside influences, and figure for myself that a motorcycle is too damn dangerous and stupid then i won't ever ride one. and i will be ok with that. but if all you can do is read me articles out of the newspaper of drunk teens crashing their crotch rockets at 150 into a grove of trees, you have to believe me when i tell you that it's not me. and that i will never get over it like this. because I DO BELIEVE IN GOD and it has nothing to do with whether i agree with church or not. and i do agree that motorcycles are stupid. but i can also imagine it as something almost spiritual in its freedom. and until i make up my mind for myself, don't bother.
{same goes for drugs and some other less couth things...}
heh, and i could stay up all night talking about my spiritual reawakening for some night with a motorcycle. someday... ohhh someday.
posted by sunshine at 12:18 AM
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