amazing things are happening... all the time. amazing things keep happening over and over and over again and i cant remember. i dont remember a damn thing and i dont know why. its a mystery to me how little i know. but that little is still important in a strange way... that driving is dangerous and my moods can change like that ::bam::. i dont know how i can listen to a song and it drive me to depression just the bass and the distortion and the sad lights of my car in the dark back window of the bus and the screen is blacked out so you cant see the driver but the lights they shift, they slide and sway and flex with the bus and both appear and the sad car snarls and the groaning song moans. god bless you all for dealing with me in such the best way. i feel like james bond sometimes when i almost die, when i get in the wrong lane and have to swerve in front of other buses to miss parked cars and its not cool at all. and one line can kill me. dead. one line burns my nose from bridge to tip and fogs my head and moistens my eyes. one word. thats all it takes.

i dont know why working things out is never easy. why r is never here and j is and a is but i never see them. and i can love all three and spend time with none. and each is special and different and all i want is to hear that one word.

theres a scar on my arm that grows like a fingernail slipping down down down to my wrists and gone when i trim my fingers

i had a bad feeling that i was going to be shot when i got to my front door in the dark and i would know it all the way down flat against the door after a second's sway... almost home. spitting blood. leaking silent