trying to relax
turns out she didnt even know where the doughnuts came from. go figure.
theres a middle eastern guy sitting in my lounge listening to loud music so im in here writing and listening to something decent. i should be working but i figure its futile. i might get on it when i finish up here. {bob barker is on mute behind me. how he can act happy for so long while dealing with so many people is beyond me. even if he is getting paid huge sums of money for playing games all day... for jesus' sake bob, if you go postal and beat up some empty squeaky teen girl for guessing a vacation to new york might cost 15k... i wouldnt blame you. but thats just me...} i could be in a better mood right now. there are, in fact, plenty of moods i would prefer. i could be just plain sad - for numerous reasons - none of which would have to do with school. instead im frustrated because i almost failed my first french test... id rather be sad and have done better. it seems futile but it shouldnt. i make stupid fucking mistakes. im one of the guys that actually pays attention in class and looks over the book and takes notes and does most of the written exercises. i went over my notes and made flashcards with the good stuff and studied those. i just make my smarts stupid when being tested. it feels better though, if i tell myself i just have to rape the next test and i might be ok. its too early to worry about gpa's... still feels like med school is watching. and i am getting a paper back in seminar that i am not all that confident about. i have an exam in chem friday and one in bio next thursday. stuff i really dont want to deal with. too bad i can't just sleep.
actually, french could have been worse. we did an excercise where we wrote phrases about our past and the class guess if they were true or false. i said that i was a swimmer when i was twelve. everyone believed it even though it was a lie. apparently i look like a swimmer... or a cross country runner. the teacher said i looked like a californian, like i would say dude a lot. don't know where that came from. did manage to pick me up a little bit though.
i can relax a little in the prescence of people. turns out complications are never quite as bad as they are, kids are mostly inherently good and innocent and that i have nothing really to worry about. in saying that i mean, of course, nothing to worry about that i personally tend to worry about, not things that the general population would likely deem particularly worryable. its just me being awake all the time. being awake tends to do something to me. i think my brain switches to retarded. my dreams are much more interesting than my inhibited thoughts. messed up function. bleh.
**edited to say that i was minorly shocked and pleasantly surprised to have gotten a 92 on my seminar paper. thats an A. even though the only source i cited was the lecture notes and i managed to declare that thomas jefferson wrote the federalist papers - what the fuck? - meh, ill take it.
theres a middle eastern guy sitting in my lounge listening to loud music so im in here writing and listening to something decent. i should be working but i figure its futile. i might get on it when i finish up here. {bob barker is on mute behind me. how he can act happy for so long while dealing with so many people is beyond me. even if he is getting paid huge sums of money for playing games all day... for jesus' sake bob, if you go postal and beat up some empty squeaky teen girl for guessing a vacation to new york might cost 15k... i wouldnt blame you. but thats just me...} i could be in a better mood right now. there are, in fact, plenty of moods i would prefer. i could be just plain sad - for numerous reasons - none of which would have to do with school. instead im frustrated because i almost failed my first french test... id rather be sad and have done better. it seems futile but it shouldnt. i make stupid fucking mistakes. im one of the guys that actually pays attention in class and looks over the book and takes notes and does most of the written exercises. i went over my notes and made flashcards with the good stuff and studied those. i just make my smarts stupid when being tested. it feels better though, if i tell myself i just have to rape the next test and i might be ok. its too early to worry about gpa's... still feels like med school is watching. and i am getting a paper back in seminar that i am not all that confident about. i have an exam in chem friday and one in bio next thursday. stuff i really dont want to deal with. too bad i can't just sleep.
actually, french could have been worse. we did an excercise where we wrote phrases about our past and the class guess if they were true or false. i said that i was a swimmer when i was twelve. everyone believed it even though it was a lie. apparently i look like a swimmer... or a cross country runner. the teacher said i looked like a californian, like i would say dude a lot. don't know where that came from. did manage to pick me up a little bit though.
i can relax a little in the prescence of people. turns out complications are never quite as bad as they are, kids are mostly inherently good and innocent and that i have nothing really to worry about. in saying that i mean, of course, nothing to worry about that i personally tend to worry about, not things that the general population would likely deem particularly worryable. its just me being awake all the time. being awake tends to do something to me. i think my brain switches to retarded. my dreams are much more interesting than my inhibited thoughts. messed up function. bleh.
**edited to say that i was minorly shocked and pleasantly surprised to have gotten a 92 on my seminar paper. thats an A. even though the only source i cited was the lecture notes and i managed to declare that thomas jefferson wrote the federalist papers - what the fuck? - meh, ill take it.
posted by sunshine at 11:26 AM
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