the anger

i get mad. for no reason, it just comes. from deep down, some bad spot, a frustration with fucking everything. it's an unfortunate thing, really, because there's no hope for anyone around me. just... destruction. i was sitting on the lawnmower a couple nights ago. all of a sudden, the rear tires stopped hooking up while going up this one hill. this wasn't terribly unusual but i can usually avoid this by driving it right. and it's fucking lack of positraction, i don't know why they can't build these damn things with a locking rear differential. you're on a hill, one wheel spins and the other sits there. i got mad. instead of playing with the throttle or backing up and trying again or shifting my weight to the other side i sat there, full throttle, burning a dirt patch into the ground with the spinning left rear tire. actually, i didn't really expect it to, but the mower managed to hop and jump itself back into moving.

::large break for international chat::

the cut on the inside of my arm healed nicely. you can barely see it. just a violet scar, two defined little lines drawing the outsides, the whole of it fading off to the left. there if i need to know it, gone enough not to be seen.

fuck i can't even type tonight. distracted. conan on tv. malaysia. clinton. viagra commercials. darryl hammond. there is more i wanted to say.

but i did write a song tonight. it's not bad either. i even have half the words. oh yes.