wow, on the road im a semi malicious person but here at home is where the road rage sets in. i just realized it, there are so many things that piss me off about driving. everything from my parents to other people, driving is full of mishaps and stupidity never before seen or experienced by humans under 14. i mean, people who drive cars or trucks or suvs are just fucking idiots. but thats just me... anyway, let me explain.
the first thing that pisses me off about driving is people that dont drive the speed limit. near my house there is a single lane country highway where the speed limit is a constant 55. theres no way you can't understand that you are supposed to drive 55 or faster on this highway. anyway, in this one day, i was stuck behind idiots going 45 twice. on the way to church this morning, some moron in a sick green car just pulls out right in front of old 59 mph me. he decides to 1) not accelerate but rather attempt to run under the car to speed up and 2) end up leveling out at a smooth snail like 45. now people, especially when i plan on getting places by driving the speed limit, this really pisses me off. fortunately, the dude turns right at the next light before i write something violent on his bumber with my foglights. now, like i said, the world was really out to piss me off today. so surely enough, on the way home, driving the same stretch of road, i get behind this god dude driving a hopped up sloth. again, and this time in excess of 15 mph below the speed limit, we carefully picked our way thru the flat, straight, empty, boring highway like it was a fucking vietnamese minefield. at the same time this is happening, a farm truck is pulling out into the highway on the other side going the other direction. this was just plain stupid. he waits till this chevy truck going 55 towards him is about 100 yards away before pulling out in front of him. the thing is, he doesnt even accelerate. he just sits there as if the truck will drive itself. the chevy slams on breaks so hard i could see the front of his truck dipping to the pavement. he slows to the same speed as the other truck about 3 inches from the bumper, screaming explitives and with good reason. i could see the farmers face as he drove past. kinda smily and dreaming, like he just got high or something. my dad says it would be more unsafe for the 80 year old guy to be driving 55 with us. i say if theres an 80 year old guy that cant drive 55 safetly, he shouldnt have his fucking lisence!!!dammit people, read the signs!!!
the next thing that pisses me off about driving is people not using their turn signals. now i dont consider myself an extremely goody goody person but i at least offer the courtesy of telling people when and where im gonna turn. i literally cant afford the risk of being hit cuz i aint got no insurance. so i always use those friendly little blinkers in the somewhat naive and utopian beleif that the people in front and behind me will say to themselves, "what a nice boy, using his turn signals like that, telling us when and where he will turn. i think i will use mine now too... ::big smile::" yeah sure like that will happen. but some people just dont care and i resent those people, let me tell you. i mean some of this stuff is just stupid. i can almost pick who is gonna speed up behind me in the other lane on the freeway, get behind a slower car (thats still going 10 mph over the speed limit) and immediately just flash over and cut me off. i will usually scream at him or something passively violent as such but usually it just inwardly pisses me off. now, every now and then, someone will cut me off while using their turn signals!!! to them i usually give a hearty and cheerful thumbs up... other times that it gets to me are when people are turning off a road with no turn signals. they will be at a corner and i will see the brake lights come on and im of course thinking, "hmm they must be slowing down for the curve..." till im sniffing their bumber and realizing they have stopped dead in the road instead of slowing because they needed to turn. now, if they had just used those damn lights like they're supposed to, i wouldnt have to sniff so much carbon fucking monoxide. i mean, its not like its that hard or anything, you reach over and push the little lever and they come on. i dont even reach, i move my pinky finger over and flick them on. its that easy... i dont even care most of the time which way they point as long as their on. i dont as for much, just a little light!!!
the last thing i need while all this is going on is parents sitting beside me. oooh it seems like im the worst driver in the world when its up to your parents. ok so im going around this slow curve, its 45 here, and at the top of a small hill there is a 55. so i go ahead and speed up a little here to get up to speed for the 55. there is nobody around me. my dad tells me to watch my speed even though i wasnt even going 50 when i passed the last 45 sign. its rediculous. i always go too fast or dont check my lanes enough or even turn with too many g-s or forget to release the parking break... whats that about? what really makes me feel great is the way that no matter how good im driving or how flat and straight the road is, my dad feels he has to grab the handlebar on the front right side of the liberty (auto) whenever im on the road. all this in automatic cars. now the fun stuff comes in the jeep wrangler (stick). i love driving the thing, helluva load of fun, but again, my parents are always there, right there beside me. every time i inch forward, i either shift too slow, shift too fast, clutch too early(burn the clutch!!!) , clutch too late, clutch too fast (break the clutch!!!), jump the car, swerve, or something. im telling you, with all these things that could go wrong with the clutch, i dont see why they even put it in the cars, seems like it would raise the insurance too much. today, while i was driving the jeep, i would seem to jump on the gas a little early before letting the clutch all the way out, making the engine rev a little when i get into gear. now this doesnt bother me, but it bothers my dad plenty. every time i accidently do it he has to remind me that i did it again and again, as if i dont know. whenever my dad doesnt give me crap in the car, its my mom after the ride... ("that felt like i rode here on a horse or something, im never riding with you in the jeep again!") of course, i had a little fun while driving it...
one more thing... cops. since we got that new sherriff, there have been so many cops on the roads i cant even count them all. a week ago, i passed 5 in a mile and a half. this is rediculous, i see them everywhere arresting people. its creepin me out. seriously, i have a paranoia from cops. they're always behind me, but when i see them i drive real slow and nice and when the pass me they look at me funny...
the first thing that pisses me off about driving is people that dont drive the speed limit. near my house there is a single lane country highway where the speed limit is a constant 55. theres no way you can't understand that you are supposed to drive 55 or faster on this highway. anyway, in this one day, i was stuck behind idiots going 45 twice. on the way to church this morning, some moron in a sick green car just pulls out right in front of old 59 mph me. he decides to 1) not accelerate but rather attempt to run under the car to speed up and 2) end up leveling out at a smooth snail like 45. now people, especially when i plan on getting places by driving the speed limit, this really pisses me off. fortunately, the dude turns right at the next light before i write something violent on his bumber with my foglights. now, like i said, the world was really out to piss me off today. so surely enough, on the way home, driving the same stretch of road, i get behind this god dude driving a hopped up sloth. again, and this time in excess of 15 mph below the speed limit, we carefully picked our way thru the flat, straight, empty, boring highway like it was a fucking vietnamese minefield. at the same time this is happening, a farm truck is pulling out into the highway on the other side going the other direction. this was just plain stupid. he waits till this chevy truck going 55 towards him is about 100 yards away before pulling out in front of him. the thing is, he doesnt even accelerate. he just sits there as if the truck will drive itself. the chevy slams on breaks so hard i could see the front of his truck dipping to the pavement. he slows to the same speed as the other truck about 3 inches from the bumper, screaming explitives and with good reason. i could see the farmers face as he drove past. kinda smily and dreaming, like he just got high or something. my dad says it would be more unsafe for the 80 year old guy to be driving 55 with us. i say if theres an 80 year old guy that cant drive 55 safetly, he shouldnt have his fucking lisence!!!dammit people, read the signs!!!
the next thing that pisses me off about driving is people not using their turn signals. now i dont consider myself an extremely goody goody person but i at least offer the courtesy of telling people when and where im gonna turn. i literally cant afford the risk of being hit cuz i aint got no insurance. so i always use those friendly little blinkers in the somewhat naive and utopian beleif that the people in front and behind me will say to themselves, "what a nice boy, using his turn signals like that, telling us when and where he will turn. i think i will use mine now too... ::big smile::" yeah sure like that will happen. but some people just dont care and i resent those people, let me tell you. i mean some of this stuff is just stupid. i can almost pick who is gonna speed up behind me in the other lane on the freeway, get behind a slower car (thats still going 10 mph over the speed limit) and immediately just flash over and cut me off. i will usually scream at him or something passively violent as such but usually it just inwardly pisses me off. now, every now and then, someone will cut me off while using their turn signals!!! to them i usually give a hearty and cheerful thumbs up... other times that it gets to me are when people are turning off a road with no turn signals. they will be at a corner and i will see the brake lights come on and im of course thinking, "hmm they must be slowing down for the curve..." till im sniffing their bumber and realizing they have stopped dead in the road instead of slowing because they needed to turn. now, if they had just used those damn lights like they're supposed to, i wouldnt have to sniff so much carbon fucking monoxide. i mean, its not like its that hard or anything, you reach over and push the little lever and they come on. i dont even reach, i move my pinky finger over and flick them on. its that easy... i dont even care most of the time which way they point as long as their on. i dont as for much, just a little light!!!
the last thing i need while all this is going on is parents sitting beside me. oooh it seems like im the worst driver in the world when its up to your parents. ok so im going around this slow curve, its 45 here, and at the top of a small hill there is a 55. so i go ahead and speed up a little here to get up to speed for the 55. there is nobody around me. my dad tells me to watch my speed even though i wasnt even going 50 when i passed the last 45 sign. its rediculous. i always go too fast or dont check my lanes enough or even turn with too many g-s or forget to release the parking break... whats that about? what really makes me feel great is the way that no matter how good im driving or how flat and straight the road is, my dad feels he has to grab the handlebar on the front right side of the liberty (auto) whenever im on the road. all this in automatic cars. now the fun stuff comes in the jeep wrangler (stick). i love driving the thing, helluva load of fun, but again, my parents are always there, right there beside me. every time i inch forward, i either shift too slow, shift too fast, clutch too early(burn the clutch!!!) , clutch too late, clutch too fast (break the clutch!!!), jump the car, swerve, or something. im telling you, with all these things that could go wrong with the clutch, i dont see why they even put it in the cars, seems like it would raise the insurance too much. today, while i was driving the jeep, i would seem to jump on the gas a little early before letting the clutch all the way out, making the engine rev a little when i get into gear. now this doesnt bother me, but it bothers my dad plenty. every time i accidently do it he has to remind me that i did it again and again, as if i dont know. whenever my dad doesnt give me crap in the car, its my mom after the ride... ("that felt like i rode here on a horse or something, im never riding with you in the jeep again!") of course, i had a little fun while driving it...
one more thing... cops. since we got that new sherriff, there have been so many cops on the roads i cant even count them all. a week ago, i passed 5 in a mile and a half. this is rediculous, i see them everywhere arresting people. its creepin me out. seriously, i have a paranoia from cops. they're always behind me, but when i see them i drive real slow and nice and when the pass me they look at me funny...
posted by sunshine at 11:30 PM
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