lord almighty

and this i take it feels so good, i dont believe it all to well, back scratch now, cant you just leave it on the sidewalk, bags packed on a plane floating to heaven away. thats my interpretation. never can tell, though, can you?

i should apologize for not writing in so long but if it were to anybody it would be myself. im letting myself down. the rest of you are... well. i dont know.

lord almighty. i was reading a book not too long ago, possibly my favorite in a long, long time. thats a tough claim to make seeing as the caliber of my reading has skyrocketed over the last couple months but enough of a claim that it stands out in my head tonight. book about a drug-addicted mexican woman. i shouldnt feel rushed to the point but i am, else i might give too much away. she thinks that the earth doesnt matter. that you should give all you have now because god will give you back so much more in the end. that if people take from you, let them have it. because you wont end up shortchanged. its a refreshing change of pace aint it. problem being, she is dying and the main character tries to save her but really cant. because after all, what can he give her in life that will match the reward she has coming in heaven? so why be alive at all... just let go.

believe it or not there is a practical application. that is something i can believe in. as long as i can keep it in the forefront of my thoughts then its something i figure i can practice in life... for life. cause i have time to make a difference, i have time to give. it may not seem like much but it almost meant something real to me that after i read that, and was walking from third to fourth periods a kid randomly bumped into me and asked if he could borrow a pen. ive never seen the kid before, looked like a freshman. big, humped a bit, hulking, whatever. but automatically i, a senior, checked to see if i had one. im not sure why... maybe i am just too much of a giving person, but for whatever the reason i found him one. i knew somewhere that i probably wasnt going to get that pen back but to hell with it, it never meant much to me anyway. i remembered what i read though and it was fine. so if and when he decided to give it back i knew i was going to tell him to just... keep it. or give it to someone else that needed one. something generous like that. well, the strange hulking kid hasnt spoken to me since but hell, i hope he got the message.

this isnt to say the point is to look out for number one. this isnt so 'ill get mine' in the end. i mean if there were nothing but eternal damnation to look forward to i might be a little more stingy but why not be kind while i can be? maybe teach a couple people a thing or two about what christians really should be doing... because i know i have never acted like one. im not even sure i believe enough to qualify. but whatever the prototype is, i might be swinging that way. not completely, mind you, but marginally. and thats enough for now.

this works out especially well i guess since i am planning on being made one day. say all goes to plan and hundreds of thousands a year fall into my lap. this is not only a good opportunity to enjoy life but to improve others too. not that this will all still apply if and when i start making money, cause i sure as hell arent now, but its a nice thought.

a strange thought. i know i wrote a long time ago about a trip home from the beach and how each arm has a different personality and how they fought and argued all the time. yes, well, through playing guitar my left fingers have started a whole new soap opera. it seems all the fingers are jealous of the index because it is used most often on chords but the middle is making a nice comeback because it is the longest and the ring because it is flexible and can hammer-on well. the little finger hates them all because he doesnt have as much flexibility, cant move as well without the ring finger's aid, and is a bit weaker and therefore isnt used nearly as much. maybe theres something wrong with me. hell, i will report when they start talking to me.

and this i take it feels so good, i cant believe it all to well

god how i wish to be bags packed on a plane floating to heaven away... or at least up north somewhere. thing is, i can see it. i can see myself on a plane with a guitar case containing a fucking gorgeous flame maple takamine (soon to be mine) and me myself all trying to be cool and quiet and demanding quiet respect from everyone but not noticing when none is given. i would have a window seat and nobody would come with me though i always thought i would have a partner in real life. i havent been on a plane since i flew one last year... what a haha rush. like driving a boat but through air. yes you all know what i mean.

you are one funny kid. i love it. i love you.

and this i taste it feels so... i smell like smoke. smoak. i dont know why... havent smoked. havent ever smoked and especially not today. not sure why i would have. today, of all days. uncle wasnt smoking. nobody in church smoking. no reason. unless there was someone in the coffee shop. dont remember... the coffee shop didnt smell like smoke. maybe it just slipped in under the proverbial radar and soaked my clothing and hands in smoke smell. smoky smoke. smoak. je ne sais pas.

dinner with the krauts... my grandmother is so funny. if only my life were more like 1943...

shibbydelic13: im not boring ehre
shibbydelic13: real life is probably a different story
shibbydelic13: ndlkbdantinanvldsavnaldjfgnlrwag
shibbydelic13: i want new york city
shibbydelic13: i want to sit on a sidewalk and play guitar and see if people give me money or not
shibbydelic13: see the way they look at me
shibbydelic13: under some strange tall building

picture it... i can.

so these three boy scouts walk into an eckerds just looking for a reisen. (snort... pfft)

ohhh i should stop. no more. no more for now. peace and god's love to all. goodnight.