the bug
i stepped on a moth.
i was standing on the sidelines of the women's soccer game taking pictures and it kept landing on my leg and climbing around. really bothered me. finally i saw it land on the grass and, since i had the feeling people were watching the game instead of me, i ambled over and stepped on it. if it had just died, i dont think i would be having this problem. instead, i lifted my sandal and it was there struggling flying itself into the ground, in circles, just a little broken bug. and i couldnt bear to watch it... so i stepped on it again. dont make this sound like i am such a bastard. i hated that it was still alive. i just wanted it to die so i could forget about it. i lifted my foot again and it was still alive, still struggling and squirming and it hurt my heart to watch it. so i stepped on it again and held it there for at least a minute. and i hated it.
i hated that i had stepped on it to begin with, without even thinking of anything except people seeing me do it. i am such a bastard. what gives me the right to play god like that? i hope it didnt feel any pain. i dont know how i can just step on things without thinking of why or if maybe i could do something different. so it flew around my leg. it doesnt know any better. i could have just reached down and swatted it off like the times before.
i looked over the field and realized they were everywhere. every square meter had its resident moth, flying around erratically and without a direction, bumping into things and searching for the light. like killing that one would keep any more from landing on me. basically, i accomplished nothing but a little bloodshed. and i hate myself for it.
finally, it died. i lifted my sandal and it wasnt moving. i was a little relieved, if just that i didnt have to see it like that anymore. so i apologized. i decided that, if anything, i should at least take something away from it. i should learn a lesson. so i thought about playing god and killing things for no good reason and the pain and struggle of a moth with two broken wings who doesnt understand why he was just stomped on. and i wouldnt do it anymore. one flew into my leg and fell off into the grass. i stepped over and tapped near it with my shoe so it flew really hard, getting nowhere, and finally up into the air and away. i felt better about that one.
i only hope i can figure myself out without having to kill anything or anyone else.
i was standing on the sidelines of the women's soccer game taking pictures and it kept landing on my leg and climbing around. really bothered me. finally i saw it land on the grass and, since i had the feeling people were watching the game instead of me, i ambled over and stepped on it. if it had just died, i dont think i would be having this problem. instead, i lifted my sandal and it was there struggling flying itself into the ground, in circles, just a little broken bug. and i couldnt bear to watch it... so i stepped on it again. dont make this sound like i am such a bastard. i hated that it was still alive. i just wanted it to die so i could forget about it. i lifted my foot again and it was still alive, still struggling and squirming and it hurt my heart to watch it. so i stepped on it again and held it there for at least a minute. and i hated it.
i hated that i had stepped on it to begin with, without even thinking of anything except people seeing me do it. i am such a bastard. what gives me the right to play god like that? i hope it didnt feel any pain. i dont know how i can just step on things without thinking of why or if maybe i could do something different. so it flew around my leg. it doesnt know any better. i could have just reached down and swatted it off like the times before.
i looked over the field and realized they were everywhere. every square meter had its resident moth, flying around erratically and without a direction, bumping into things and searching for the light. like killing that one would keep any more from landing on me. basically, i accomplished nothing but a little bloodshed. and i hate myself for it.
finally, it died. i lifted my sandal and it wasnt moving. i was a little relieved, if just that i didnt have to see it like that anymore. so i apologized. i decided that, if anything, i should at least take something away from it. i should learn a lesson. so i thought about playing god and killing things for no good reason and the pain and struggle of a moth with two broken wings who doesnt understand why he was just stomped on. and i wouldnt do it anymore. one flew into my leg and fell off into the grass. i stepped over and tapped near it with my shoe so it flew really hard, getting nowhere, and finally up into the air and away. i felt better about that one.
i only hope i can figure myself out without having to kill anything or anyone else.
posted by sunshine at 2:03 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home