let it die

so many things change everyday, these days... its almost fluid. so im sitting at home waiting for a movie to start. im not even going to try. not now. what can i say, except that i dont really live here anymore? i am but visiting home, instead of returning for a while. the dynamic has changed. its not easy, seeing the four of us become a three and one.

as i was driving home, just passing by the south end of the city, i saw the building my dad works in lit up bright green on the horizon, the whole of raleigh sprawled out below it. i had to wave, inadvertently laughed a little, smiled. i was back, i was here, i was home. it was a wonderful feeling, to be back on your own ground, gives footing where it was so unsteady back there. the music didnt hurt either, i suppose... but thats never a problem is it?

oh, love. this isnt about love. because i am not in love. this is about being guarded. can i say, though, that i love nearly everything about you? i do.