something like 2:47
i just picked a nice number. it was actually finished at 2:57. then again blogger usually lists publishing dates as when they were started... so it doesnt really matter, right?
im back at starbucks for once. lord knows this place means a lot to me. its more or less an anonymous place, how many of them are around anyway? but this one is special, this one means something, not for what it is, exactly, but for what is been here for. i dont know how many times afterschool i would come by to do homework or waste time. its not the drinks i come for, more the people. usually always see someone from high school here. more or less planned. theres a chair to my left, a big, brown cushy one, where i sat talking to someone i cant even describe anymore for four hours or so, until everyone in the place had substituted a couple times. and the one im in now, and the one across from me too. countless memories, conversations, time spent with someone special. i cant say how much i miss it.
now im sitting here, more or less anonymous, listening to some of the most beautiful music ive heard in years. its less comfortable than before. seems like everybody has somebody, there are maybe three people in here, including myself, unattached. they converse loud as they want to, the volume grows between songs. im perpetually tempted to look out at the parking lot, to see if someone would come and visit, but i stop myself. id rather be surprised. i do love a good caramel macchioto though. cant quite figure out why my hands are so pale white and cold. they shake when i try and keep my drink steady. i dont have an explanation for that.
the drive here was one of the most enjoyable in a long time. alone in my car, good dist-fuzz early 00's version of 70's rock. its quite a feeling, riding around in sixty degree january weather, windows, sunroof down, blasting distorted fuzzy rock that youre sure nobody in the county is listening to. an album youre almost positive nobody in the state owns. and its almost a shame, in a selfish way, to enjoy that when you know these guys should have made it big. that and last night, different album, different quirky piano and angry lyrics sound and no, its not who yall are thinking (though i love her too). my dad and i were coming home from the hockey game; he was following me, jeep and volvo. instead of going home the standary, boring way, i went the long way, through downtown raleigh. i love driving at night, more than a lot of things. took hillsborough st. from the fairgrounds straight down to the capital building and salisbury (i think)...(but probably not, maybe dawson) out down to martin on a detour down to blount. i love it down there, at night, when there are few people and the buildings are lit up. its clear and beautiful. probably took twice as long as it should have but dammit it was nice. i hope he didnt mind.
im not going to get into what i really meant to write about but i guess i will do it later. and im sorry if i dont sound exactly the same because i dont feel exactly the same. im so comfortable at home in a dark room, where i can pick and choose my words to suit me perfectly. there is nothing rushing me here but the mood is busier and it forces me to unload without so much consideration for how i go about it. hell, you probably dont notice it but its there. oh well, i guess thats fine too.
i realized something last night that im not sure will carry over at all into my everyday life. i was listening to a different album, different girl, different piano, on the way to the hockey game. it was so wonderful and made me so happy that theres nothing but love that can describe the moment. you cant believe that there is any way to meet anyone whose record you own but i can never stop myself from thinking that all those guys that hurt you, all those guys that treat you bad, the ones in the song.,, i am who you want. and maybe thats just naive but it cant hurt. im pretty sure anyone who can play the piano and can sing as beautiful as they are...
but it sent a notion my way. being the way i am, i shouldnt settle for a random somebody when i loved such ideas as a recording artist. if i was so confident i could be the saviour of this random musician, her counterpart must exist somewhere. all the images from the songs describe somebody else. and for them, im waiting.
im back at starbucks for once. lord knows this place means a lot to me. its more or less an anonymous place, how many of them are around anyway? but this one is special, this one means something, not for what it is, exactly, but for what is been here for. i dont know how many times afterschool i would come by to do homework or waste time. its not the drinks i come for, more the people. usually always see someone from high school here. more or less planned. theres a chair to my left, a big, brown cushy one, where i sat talking to someone i cant even describe anymore for four hours or so, until everyone in the place had substituted a couple times. and the one im in now, and the one across from me too. countless memories, conversations, time spent with someone special. i cant say how much i miss it.
now im sitting here, more or less anonymous, listening to some of the most beautiful music ive heard in years. its less comfortable than before. seems like everybody has somebody, there are maybe three people in here, including myself, unattached. they converse loud as they want to, the volume grows between songs. im perpetually tempted to look out at the parking lot, to see if someone would come and visit, but i stop myself. id rather be surprised. i do love a good caramel macchioto though. cant quite figure out why my hands are so pale white and cold. they shake when i try and keep my drink steady. i dont have an explanation for that.
the drive here was one of the most enjoyable in a long time. alone in my car, good dist-fuzz early 00's version of 70's rock. its quite a feeling, riding around in sixty degree january weather, windows, sunroof down, blasting distorted fuzzy rock that youre sure nobody in the county is listening to. an album youre almost positive nobody in the state owns. and its almost a shame, in a selfish way, to enjoy that when you know these guys should have made it big. that and last night, different album, different quirky piano and angry lyrics sound and no, its not who yall are thinking (though i love her too). my dad and i were coming home from the hockey game; he was following me, jeep and volvo. instead of going home the standary, boring way, i went the long way, through downtown raleigh. i love driving at night, more than a lot of things. took hillsborough st. from the fairgrounds straight down to the capital building and salisbury (i think)...(but probably not, maybe dawson) out down to martin on a detour down to blount. i love it down there, at night, when there are few people and the buildings are lit up. its clear and beautiful. probably took twice as long as it should have but dammit it was nice. i hope he didnt mind.
im not going to get into what i really meant to write about but i guess i will do it later. and im sorry if i dont sound exactly the same because i dont feel exactly the same. im so comfortable at home in a dark room, where i can pick and choose my words to suit me perfectly. there is nothing rushing me here but the mood is busier and it forces me to unload without so much consideration for how i go about it. hell, you probably dont notice it but its there. oh well, i guess thats fine too.
i realized something last night that im not sure will carry over at all into my everyday life. i was listening to a different album, different girl, different piano, on the way to the hockey game. it was so wonderful and made me so happy that theres nothing but love that can describe the moment. you cant believe that there is any way to meet anyone whose record you own but i can never stop myself from thinking that all those guys that hurt you, all those guys that treat you bad, the ones in the song.,, i am who you want. and maybe thats just naive but it cant hurt. im pretty sure anyone who can play the piano and can sing as beautiful as they are...
but it sent a notion my way. being the way i am, i shouldnt settle for a random somebody when i loved such ideas as a recording artist. if i was so confident i could be the saviour of this random musician, her counterpart must exist somewhere. all the images from the songs describe somebody else. and for them, im waiting.
posted by sunshine at 4:16 PM
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