{nevermind... fuck it}
she said i love the way you think but i hate the way you act
i know the time isnt right and thats fine. i just want to apologize for the way i am. lord knows i treat you differently than everyone else and, when i think about it, that probably isnt a good thing. you get most of my concern while everybody else gets the more friendly version. its hard to tell who i really am but i can tell you, you dont deserve it. well, maybe you do, sometimes. still, i react badly and, without knowing it, think of myself first. there is no excuse for that. what ive always said i wanted is to be wonderful friends with you but if that was the case i would certainly consider you first. you know i only want the best for you.
the thing is, there is still a part of me that wants to be with you and there always seems to be a stream of things that happen to prevent or complicate that... and that's my problem. the first thing that comes to mind should be you and not me. i say that the only reason it bothers me so much is that i care so damn much about you but if i really cared about you and not my own, our, future, i would consider you first. and i will.
you see, as much as we fight and hurt each other, as much as we carry on, you are a big piece of me. as much as i draw away and think i want less from us, i cant imagine life without you. i cant imagine who i would be had you not been there these past years.
im going to be better, ok? i want you to know i am still myself, deep down. im still the kid you shared music with at lunchtime and drew on your notebooks with my right hand. it seems backwards that im explaining myself to you, but, looking back on how ive acted, strangely appropriate. i will always believe i love you more and always wish to death i was with you to take care of you when you're sick. ill always pray for god to protect you from boat racks and staplers, and always think of you when i hear certain songs.
its been almost a year and a half since ive seen you and i dont know when or if i will again but thats ok. i just need you in my life. and im going to try and be a friend, try and be as much a blessing to you as you are to me.
I try to stay here
But all I did was bring you down
You pulled away
Just look at me now
If I could change
I'd tear this twisted frame in two
I'd bend my life for you
For you
je t'aime saffron, im sorry
i know the time isnt right and thats fine. i just want to apologize for the way i am. lord knows i treat you differently than everyone else and, when i think about it, that probably isnt a good thing. you get most of my concern while everybody else gets the more friendly version. its hard to tell who i really am but i can tell you, you dont deserve it. well, maybe you do, sometimes. still, i react badly and, without knowing it, think of myself first. there is no excuse for that. what ive always said i wanted is to be wonderful friends with you but if that was the case i would certainly consider you first. you know i only want the best for you.
the thing is, there is still a part of me that wants to be with you and there always seems to be a stream of things that happen to prevent or complicate that... and that's my problem. the first thing that comes to mind should be you and not me. i say that the only reason it bothers me so much is that i care so damn much about you but if i really cared about you and not my own, our, future, i would consider you first. and i will.
you see, as much as we fight and hurt each other, as much as we carry on, you are a big piece of me. as much as i draw away and think i want less from us, i cant imagine life without you. i cant imagine who i would be had you not been there these past years.
im going to be better, ok? i want you to know i am still myself, deep down. im still the kid you shared music with at lunchtime and drew on your notebooks with my right hand. it seems backwards that im explaining myself to you, but, looking back on how ive acted, strangely appropriate. i will always believe i love you more and always wish to death i was with you to take care of you when you're sick. ill always pray for god to protect you from boat racks and staplers, and always think of you when i hear certain songs.
its been almost a year and a half since ive seen you and i dont know when or if i will again but thats ok. i just need you in my life. and im going to try and be a friend, try and be as much a blessing to you as you are to me.
I try to stay here
But all I did was bring you down
You pulled away
Just look at me now
If I could change
I'd tear this twisted frame in two
I'd bend my life for you
For you
je t'aime saffron, im sorry
posted by sunshine at 7:21 PM
2 Comments:
we will always be okay, we both know that. and i understand your reactions... whether or not i appreciate them. you are forgiven swilliam, you always will be.
plus, i dont doubt for a second that we will see each other again.
that was a really beautiful post...honestly when reading something like, something thats so straight from the heart straight to someone else's...i dont even know what to say...but even though i dont know either of you or the situation, i hope everything works out and that when your both old you can look back to this post and laugh. anyways....theres my two cents worth...
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