oh what a lovely sound!!

my skin is...

who the hell knows? who the hell can see that im sitting in a dark lounge quickly rocking back and forth in my chair to the song-of-the-night of which im sure everyone knows one line of, just not the same one. maybe if everyone sang in order for once. i dont try and make sense, just to me and the music...

white as parchment
drier than a downtown office building
where the air is tight

and it isnt the chocolate-covered-espresso beans speaking here, no, its something more. i cant bear to draw the comparisons; for your benefit i will abstain from mentioning the name. im sure the conclusions you draw will be close to the truth, but know, oh no, just know, its such a good thing. such a good thing. {such a good thing, prettier than brackets, in fact}. just how hard is it, when everyone loves you?

can you feel it? what to feel? easy. feels easy and exciting and carefree. yes, we can be friends. and we will be damn good at it too. and all the words i am afraid to say, they will be there too. jesus, for now, how much wonderful is lost for definition? not too much, i should think. i should hope.

thats not all, no, there will be snacks, there will

i should think. or should i refrain from thought too deep? breeds paranoia, it does. certainly something to avoid. certainly something to guard oneself from. guarded. applies still? does it? i have no idea. i know i dont want to be shreds and i know you dont want me to be, but fuck it if i just want to find out how it feels.


berlin, berlin, berlin, berlin, berlin, berlin!


no, we will be fine. we? is we too much definition for you? take your time, take your thoughts, take your blankets and pillows and virgin knuckles and little pin-up blue and gold flags and loose ceiling tiles and doom, ah, take your doom all the way west and when you come back... having thought and considered and plundered and reconsidered and been jet-lagged and probably high a couple times and whatever it is you do when im not there... we are going to a film festival and we will stay up past your bedtime and we will not fall in the pit of doom, you will see.

tit for tat and bone for bone

this, m'dear, this is confidence. this is patience and whatnot. this is everything grounded in a pinch of ridiculousness. this is a little bit of oddball and a cup and a half of lenin and... and... and...... at least im not a bad vegetarian. although... i dont know how i would have anyone who wasnt, really.

i am... my skin is... i am... so much better than before. so much more in control, so much better, so much more ready... for whatever, whenever, however. this is possibly the most complete i have ever been. because you arent like a good song, no, so much more. run so much deeper, so reactive and random. i am afraid of good songs. i used to be afraid of you but not anymore, i reckon. a good song i can listen to too many times and be sick of, can be stuck in my head all day long and i can want an escape from. but no, a real human, a real soundboard... never gets old. i say never in the sense of well, say, in the past week or so. im not sick, not tired, not bored of the thought.

a toast to you, my inappropriate friend... godspeed to the bathroom tiles!

i am so fucking happy, people have noticed. were you aware? i should think not. not to pressurize, my friend, not to pressurize. i rock. left to right and back again, bum bump bump bump bum. i know some of the words. life is a song and im learning the lyrics just slowly, just so. just so...


the case is closed


and when i see you again, i expect nothing less, nothing more than, nothing less than a glance, a smile, a step out of beat, and i will return the favor ;)