living with the living
hate to say it but not much is going on these days. it's the lame duck weeks of summertime. right when you know school is coming and that there's not time really to get much done. not like i've done terribly much anyway. well, aside from traveling for a week. and yeah, that was big. but if you break it down, i live a boring life at home. this we knew. no reason to talk about it.
i'm gonna try and - whoa, there's a commercial on tv with a bunch of fat women walking around in underclothes. all the fruit guys just came on. wow. you know, from the underwear people. sorry, that one, especially set to ted leo, caught me off guard. - expose myself more often to those things that get me excited, giddy, those special albums and movies and whatever. i want to feel that way more. hopefully schoolwork and work work won't be so bad this semester and i can get the free time to relax. i think our building has a slanted roof. that's not cool. polo is flat, though. i want to see more sunrises. i should be out running this summer but it's just so damn easy to find excuses not to. oh well, i'll be out of shape for a little bit longer.
do you know that i haven't said anything yet? i'm sure you've noticed. it's hard, sometimes, when you want to write just to get words out, just so you're not officially dead yet. hard to say something transcendent like i want to so fucking bad. like the first time you sat back with your eyes closed and listened to jeff buckley's hallelujah. something like that. maybe someday i'll be in a position to do that more often. that's my all-time favorite phrase - "maybe someday". have you noticed? that's kind of sad, isn't it?
i'm a loner. i don't know how far that will get me. my favorite times at home are probably these, late at night alone in the dark. that or alone during the daytime when i can plug into my amp and dance around with the guitar rattling the windows and singing. yeah, i bet you with you were a fly on the wall for those times. it's worth it, i swear.
ever since it got syndicated, there's been a lot of scrubs on tv. great show for a lot of reasons but also interesting because even though it's a sitcom, i know there's a lot of truth to it. i think it's easier to see when you're looking at being in the same position someday. i think about how difficult it must be to see patients like that all day and make decisions that end in life or death. so i figure i may well just try and be a surgeon. at least then you know what your job is. but there's so little interaction with the patients. and what if you sneeze? one slip of the hand and you've gone and kilt someone. i can't help but see a major artery rupturing and the innocent woman bleeding out on the table. it's hard to not blame yourself. it's hard to always believe you're the man... and i guess you have to. at the same time, maybe i'd rather be there than in some mundane clinic or pharmacy all day long, all week? i have no fucking clue. it's scary.
i figured out why this book i'm plowing through is so displeasing. it's style over plot. i hate it when authors do that. this is why i never read books where the author's name dwarf's the book title. this guy won a pulitzer? you've got to be kidding me. every two lines, there's a simile or metaphor. only about a third of them are amusing, like they all try to be. the rest are just heavy or too-far extended. too obvious that he's writing to be amusing and not to tell a story. it doesn't come off as funny or lighthearted. here's an example:
Berko salts an egg and bites it. His teeth leave castellations in the boiled white.
shit like that. you know what i mean. unnecessary as sterilizing a lethal injection needle. shit like that. you know what i mean. especially after zen and the art. maybe i should have just gone ahead and read cat's cradle (up next). at least i know that's going to be a quality read.
i can only see nine lights from where i'm sitting. the computer in the next room is reflecting all over the ceiling and the door frame. the new call light is flashing red on the phone. it's amazing to me. we've had that phone for years now, two? three? and that light has been flashing twice a second for that entire duration. it seems like every now and then, we should need to replace a bulb. also, the message light is on but meaningless. there's a tiny red led on the tv telling me - as if i didn't know - that it's on. further proof can be seen in the characters making faces on the screen. kramer's eating chicken. either it tastes terrible or is too hot cause he spits it back in a big bowl. makes hand signals. jerry looks incredulous. there's a power light on the dvd player, another tiny red led, but it's saying the machine is turned off. go figure. there's a couple little symbols and the time lit up in green on the dvr. of course, my laptop is making bright music. i can barely see the glint of an upstairs light off the hanging brass frame of a lantern in the foyer. come to think of it, i check the floor and the transformer on the power cord of my external hard drive has a green power light, too. i can only imagine the sounds i'd hear if it weren't for these headphones.
there's a large poster of bob sitting upside down and facing away from me across the room. blown up from a black and white photo taken around the mid-sixties. bob's looking down and embarrassed to have a photo taken, standing in a studio, harmonica around his neck, playing a fender bass. i wish i was bob. me and god knows how many others. actually, i just wish i'd taken the picture. images like that are why i love photography so much. it's why i hate posed pictures. it's why i keep entertaining the thought of buying a film camera and making the effort to use it. yesterday afternoon, i was playing around with the color accent on my little digital camera. it's just a gimmick, but it's fun. takes a color you define and makes it glorious in a photo, turns everything else b/w. i stood out in the sunlight and set the default to my hair color. took a portrait like that. looked like i had a halo or something. aside from being basically cool, i noticed today that it's really a portrait. camera must have decided to use a low f-stop. there's a pretty sharp focus drop between me and everything behind me. i like that a lot. wish i could make it do that more often. i guess if i had the old canon ae-1 i keep looking at on craigslist, i'd be able to do it for myself. maybe someday.
maybe someday.
i'm gonna try and - whoa, there's a commercial on tv with a bunch of fat women walking around in underclothes. all the fruit guys just came on. wow. you know, from the underwear people. sorry, that one, especially set to ted leo, caught me off guard. - expose myself more often to those things that get me excited, giddy, those special albums and movies and whatever. i want to feel that way more. hopefully schoolwork and work work won't be so bad this semester and i can get the free time to relax. i think our building has a slanted roof. that's not cool. polo is flat, though. i want to see more sunrises. i should be out running this summer but it's just so damn easy to find excuses not to. oh well, i'll be out of shape for a little bit longer.
do you know that i haven't said anything yet? i'm sure you've noticed. it's hard, sometimes, when you want to write just to get words out, just so you're not officially dead yet. hard to say something transcendent like i want to so fucking bad. like the first time you sat back with your eyes closed and listened to jeff buckley's hallelujah. something like that. maybe someday i'll be in a position to do that more often. that's my all-time favorite phrase - "maybe someday". have you noticed? that's kind of sad, isn't it?
i'm a loner. i don't know how far that will get me. my favorite times at home are probably these, late at night alone in the dark. that or alone during the daytime when i can plug into my amp and dance around with the guitar rattling the windows and singing. yeah, i bet you with you were a fly on the wall for those times. it's worth it, i swear.
ever since it got syndicated, there's been a lot of scrubs on tv. great show for a lot of reasons but also interesting because even though it's a sitcom, i know there's a lot of truth to it. i think it's easier to see when you're looking at being in the same position someday. i think about how difficult it must be to see patients like that all day and make decisions that end in life or death. so i figure i may well just try and be a surgeon. at least then you know what your job is. but there's so little interaction with the patients. and what if you sneeze? one slip of the hand and you've gone and kilt someone. i can't help but see a major artery rupturing and the innocent woman bleeding out on the table. it's hard to not blame yourself. it's hard to always believe you're the man... and i guess you have to. at the same time, maybe i'd rather be there than in some mundane clinic or pharmacy all day long, all week? i have no fucking clue. it's scary.
i figured out why this book i'm plowing through is so displeasing. it's style over plot. i hate it when authors do that. this is why i never read books where the author's name dwarf's the book title. this guy won a pulitzer? you've got to be kidding me. every two lines, there's a simile or metaphor. only about a third of them are amusing, like they all try to be. the rest are just heavy or too-far extended. too obvious that he's writing to be amusing and not to tell a story. it doesn't come off as funny or lighthearted. here's an example:
Berko salts an egg and bites it. His teeth leave castellations in the boiled white.
shit like that. you know what i mean. unnecessary as sterilizing a lethal injection needle. shit like that. you know what i mean. especially after zen and the art. maybe i should have just gone ahead and read cat's cradle (up next). at least i know that's going to be a quality read.
i can only see nine lights from where i'm sitting. the computer in the next room is reflecting all over the ceiling and the door frame. the new call light is flashing red on the phone. it's amazing to me. we've had that phone for years now, two? three? and that light has been flashing twice a second for that entire duration. it seems like every now and then, we should need to replace a bulb. also, the message light is on but meaningless. there's a tiny red led on the tv telling me - as if i didn't know - that it's on. further proof can be seen in the characters making faces on the screen. kramer's eating chicken. either it tastes terrible or is too hot cause he spits it back in a big bowl. makes hand signals. jerry looks incredulous. there's a power light on the dvd player, another tiny red led, but it's saying the machine is turned off. go figure. there's a couple little symbols and the time lit up in green on the dvr. of course, my laptop is making bright music. i can barely see the glint of an upstairs light off the hanging brass frame of a lantern in the foyer. come to think of it, i check the floor and the transformer on the power cord of my external hard drive has a green power light, too. i can only imagine the sounds i'd hear if it weren't for these headphones.
there's a large poster of bob sitting upside down and facing away from me across the room. blown up from a black and white photo taken around the mid-sixties. bob's looking down and embarrassed to have a photo taken, standing in a studio, harmonica around his neck, playing a fender bass. i wish i was bob. me and god knows how many others. actually, i just wish i'd taken the picture. images like that are why i love photography so much. it's why i hate posed pictures. it's why i keep entertaining the thought of buying a film camera and making the effort to use it. yesterday afternoon, i was playing around with the color accent on my little digital camera. it's just a gimmick, but it's fun. takes a color you define and makes it glorious in a photo, turns everything else b/w. i stood out in the sunlight and set the default to my hair color. took a portrait like that. looked like i had a halo or something. aside from being basically cool, i noticed today that it's really a portrait. camera must have decided to use a low f-stop. there's a pretty sharp focus drop between me and everything behind me. i like that a lot. wish i could make it do that more often. i guess if i had the old canon ae-1 i keep looking at on craigslist, i'd be able to do it for myself. maybe someday.
maybe someday.
posted by sunshine at 11:10 PM
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