wolves at night
just five minutes ago i was trotting around the room playing my ukulele and dancing. oh you should have seen it. if there's anything hotter than line-dancing in the flickering light of a friends rerun while flicking out bright eyes from a little uke, i'd like to know. you really should wish you were there, i might have serenaded you. it's that good of a night.
and no, i didn't go see the harry potter movie last night.
in fact, i didn't even know it was coming out. i swear to god. i thought it must have been the book or something.
letterman is on tv in all his glory singing along to the TMO lyrics in my headphones. i swear to god he is. no kidding.
i'm hopeful. hopeful for the future of wake forest basketball. i don't want to jynx anything, but a couple months ago, the tenth-ranked kid in the country committed. this was spectacular news. well, tomorrow, the third-ranked kid in the country is announcing his decision. word is, he might come to wake. not only that, but his good friend, the eighteenth-ranked kid in the country, who has stated already that he wants to play ball with kid 2, is expected to commit with him. the only school on both their lists? wake. which leaves us (definitely maybe) with three top-20 basketball recruits for 2009. raise your hands in the air and wave them like you just don't care. this must be what it feels like to be a carolina fan. the fact that we might take kid 2 from them just makes it sweeter.
to skip. to the deacs. to fires everywhere. cheers.
at the same time, i'm depressed. depressed because i'm not convinced i'm really important to anyone. and i know inside that it's wrong but i feel like saying it anyway. in the spirit of ranking things tonight, i feel like if most people i know well from wake were to list their top-25 friends, i'd make it. maybe a couple, i'd be top-10. from high school, maybe 1 would list me top 5. that's it. i can't think of anyone i'd be top 3 or 2 or even #1. i really just want to be somebody's #1. i have a fine number of acquaintances, just not a best friend. which is to say, i'm nobody's best friend. that's a little bit of a sad place to be. i'd love to be that important to someone but i can't really say i am. i guess i'll feel a little better if i can accept the idea that people think of me in any context when i'm not intruding on their lives.
what i'm really concerned with, maybe, is what if someone five years from now finds a picture with me in it? what would they think of me? what if it's one of the ten thousand pictures i've taken? will they remember who was behind the camera? i already want to be remembered in a better light and i've not even gone anywhere yet.
the worst of it all is that i know in my head and in my heart the one thing that would make this all better. the one thing endowing me with endless self-esteem. the one thing that would make the rest of the world stop or keep spinning or explode. whatever. but it's just me. and having to face the world alone doesn't make it easier.
i think if i get a couple hundred dollars together i should buy an exercise machine. i don't know if it would fit in my dorm room, but i'd enjoy it. maybe not enjoy, persay, but i'd try and get good use out of it. i think we'd both benefit from the experience. what i really need most is free. i need to be running. sometime, anytime. riding my bike... something. i have no motivation these days. some aerobic exercise. i wish i had a pool. that would be easier during the summer. i don't even know what i'm talking about anymore.
and i need to get rid of this baby fat on my belly. make fun of me, whatever. i don't like it.
and i want all these high school people to quit inviting me to big drunk parties. never was much for those unless i know the people involved. and by that i mean, have spoken to any of them in the past two years. give me an intimate setting, please. anytime.
joy, my god, where have you been?
i'd also like some old rayban wayfarers.
in fact, it's amazing, my capacity to talk about wants. i could do it all night. i really need to find some haves to get excited about. i'm gonna go to goodwill sometime soon, maybe tomorrow. hopefully that will be a fruitful trip. here's hoping the one in garner is better than the one in the dash. the tre-fo.
shit, well i've run out of things to say. hey boston, feel free to talk to me anytime. hey charleston, i wish i could help you.
hey poor, you don't have to be poor anymore. jesus is here.
and no, i didn't go see the harry potter movie last night.
in fact, i didn't even know it was coming out. i swear to god. i thought it must have been the book or something.
letterman is on tv in all his glory singing along to the TMO lyrics in my headphones. i swear to god he is. no kidding.
i'm hopeful. hopeful for the future of wake forest basketball. i don't want to jynx anything, but a couple months ago, the tenth-ranked kid in the country committed. this was spectacular news. well, tomorrow, the third-ranked kid in the country is announcing his decision. word is, he might come to wake. not only that, but his good friend, the eighteenth-ranked kid in the country, who has stated already that he wants to play ball with kid 2, is expected to commit with him. the only school on both their lists? wake. which leaves us (definitely maybe) with three top-20 basketball recruits for 2009. raise your hands in the air and wave them like you just don't care. this must be what it feels like to be a carolina fan. the fact that we might take kid 2 from them just makes it sweeter.
to skip. to the deacs. to fires everywhere. cheers.
at the same time, i'm depressed. depressed because i'm not convinced i'm really important to anyone. and i know inside that it's wrong but i feel like saying it anyway. in the spirit of ranking things tonight, i feel like if most people i know well from wake were to list their top-25 friends, i'd make it. maybe a couple, i'd be top-10. from high school, maybe 1 would list me top 5. that's it. i can't think of anyone i'd be top 3 or 2 or even #1. i really just want to be somebody's #1. i have a fine number of acquaintances, just not a best friend. which is to say, i'm nobody's best friend. that's a little bit of a sad place to be. i'd love to be that important to someone but i can't really say i am. i guess i'll feel a little better if i can accept the idea that people think of me in any context when i'm not intruding on their lives.
what i'm really concerned with, maybe, is what if someone five years from now finds a picture with me in it? what would they think of me? what if it's one of the ten thousand pictures i've taken? will they remember who was behind the camera? i already want to be remembered in a better light and i've not even gone anywhere yet.
the worst of it all is that i know in my head and in my heart the one thing that would make this all better. the one thing endowing me with endless self-esteem. the one thing that would make the rest of the world stop or keep spinning or explode. whatever. but it's just me. and having to face the world alone doesn't make it easier.
i think if i get a couple hundred dollars together i should buy an exercise machine. i don't know if it would fit in my dorm room, but i'd enjoy it. maybe not enjoy, persay, but i'd try and get good use out of it. i think we'd both benefit from the experience. what i really need most is free. i need to be running. sometime, anytime. riding my bike... something. i have no motivation these days. some aerobic exercise. i wish i had a pool. that would be easier during the summer. i don't even know what i'm talking about anymore.
and i need to get rid of this baby fat on my belly. make fun of me, whatever. i don't like it.
and i want all these high school people to quit inviting me to big drunk parties. never was much for those unless i know the people involved. and by that i mean, have spoken to any of them in the past two years. give me an intimate setting, please. anytime.
joy, my god, where have you been?
i'd also like some old rayban wayfarers.
in fact, it's amazing, my capacity to talk about wants. i could do it all night. i really need to find some haves to get excited about. i'm gonna go to goodwill sometime soon, maybe tomorrow. hopefully that will be a fruitful trip. here's hoping the one in garner is better than the one in the dash. the tre-fo.
shit, well i've run out of things to say. hey boston, feel free to talk to me anytime. hey charleston, i wish i could help you.
hey poor, you don't have to be poor anymore. jesus is here.
posted by sunshine at 11:35 PM
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