goes down easy

my cat is attacking my foot. i guess it's ok. i did just kick her (accidentally). sick moment. hold please...

i can't count the things i need to say. or the things i want to say, for that matter. i've been reading and studying and playing music. driving, thinking, and wishing. it's funny that i'll end up saying the same things here that i always do. i never feel any different. i'll write an anecdote and it will disintegrate into talking about girls. here goes.

pleasant today at starbucks. i get by because i never buy anything. in fact, i'm a little surprised they haven't kicked me out yet. i think if i ever brought my mcdonalds lunch to starbucks and actually bought a drink, i'd just die. i almost feel guilty for the mcdonalds. i know it's not real food but i eat it anyway. i'm too poor to do anything different, though. come on, double cheeseburger and coke for $2.16? i'll take it every day. today, though, i moved outside because it looked like all the tables were becoming reserved and i might be surrounded by young black teens signing modeling contracts by hustling, lying agents. it's happened before. i finished my burger and walked my shit outside. after a while, this guy and his dog walked up and sat down. i kept studying chem.

a little bit later, when we were the only two out there, he asked me what i was studying. i'm not really used to being spoken to by strangers but we picked up a conversation. i must have spoken to him for half an hour out there. he asked me what school i went to and that led to sports and whatnot. he had this wonderful dog. a big brown long-haired thing. said it was a border collie mix. he kept walking over and jumping with his front paws in my lap. sweet thing. i'd be nice to him too. love a good dog. oh, we talked about hockey (he was a big fan) and schools and other things. i wasn't having the best time putting together thoughts and words, oddly enough, but i got by. i took a slow opportunity to gather my stuff and mention that i needed to get back to state for lab, even though it was 40 minutes before i'd usually leave. i'm awkward like that. shook his hand and all, petted the dog again. good guys, the both of them. said he'd see me at a game sometime.

here's to kevin and bodie. i raise my empty mcdonalds cup to both of you.


i get down for lack of friends. and i don't really mean that in any offensive way to anyone i know. i haven't really spoken to anyone all summer, save danielle in the coffee shop the other day, which was wonderful. i worry that the people i know aren't the kinds of people i really want to find. just don't really know where to find them. i need a band. this one girl on myspace (jesus, it hurts to say) lives near school. she's quite pretty, or at least has grown on me or at least i've just realized it or something. for some reason she's on my buddy list, been on there forever. maybe we spoke once at the beginning of freshman year or something. i don't remember. i was feeling bold one night and responded to a bulletin she'd raised about something or other. she wrote me back with a mild complimentary comment open for interpretation. which is to say, it was probably nothing. i sarcastically but sweetly responded in turn and didn't hear from her again. a couple days later, it sounded like she wasn't doing well so i wrote her again, just a sentence or two being real supportive and all. i mean, i was hoping she'd write me back and maybe we could keep doing that for a while. it would be nice, that's all. i never heard from her. don't really see how i could write her again, either. oh well, ok.

and annie, i miss you too. not sure what's happened since summer. maybe you're working. maybe you're in school. i don't know what it is. you sound tired and frustrated though. wish i could help you out.

i send text messages and never get responses.

sitcom friends. i want sitcom friends.

and a drummer.