mrfwfg
garbage is on television. i mean it. shirley manson is covering her head on the ground. in fishnets.
can words really do anything? when i feel this way, i write. i think it's productive. it helps, to feel like i can successfully transmit exactly the idea of my toetips to my hairtips to words on a page. and i like to think that if someone in jackson hole googles 'mrfwfg' and ends up here, that they might decide they will read this nonsense instead of rephrasing their search. and that for a couple minutes, while the words flash through their eyes and into their brain that their toetips will tingle and their hairtips will sway and that they might just understand the idea... of me.
i think sometimes i tell people i love them just so they'll say it back. maybe not. maybe i really just want them to be happy for a second. everyone wants to be loved.
it's one of those nights. you don't know what i mean... yet. a film-loneliness night. the movie was cute. that whole 'socialist readings/thimble thing'? i knew i'd seen it a hundred times before. but it had to be maggie gyllenhaal. do i love her because her name is 'maggie gyllenhaal' and anyone with that name must be wonderful? because her characters in the last two movies i've seen her in have been bakers and cake-makers? i think i might work at a bakery this summer. just because of her. is that silly? maybe i'll meet a maggie gyllenhaal there. a real one. i think it's because it's me, because it's my situation, because of what i feel is important, because of what i've been through, that it resonates so strongly. when they're laying in bed and the narrator's talking about falling in love and she rolls over against will ferrell? yeah. is it naive to think that's all that is worth living for? it probably is. right now i could care less. i also hate the feeling that there's not a single way a common person can approach an actress and be taken seriously. and not be a fan wanting an autograph. and not be a waste of time. same goes for singers. and it's not like i've tried. it's just that i can see it happening and i know exactly how it plays out. exactly. exactly.
it just occurred to me that i should name my new old bicycle. i think 'maggie' would do just fine.
i want to keep writing... i just can't think of anything else important right now. another night... 'the she'. she's somewhere. in the next second, both our hearts will beat. did you hear it?
can words really do anything? when i feel this way, i write. i think it's productive. it helps, to feel like i can successfully transmit exactly the idea of my toetips to my hairtips to words on a page. and i like to think that if someone in jackson hole googles 'mrfwfg' and ends up here, that they might decide they will read this nonsense instead of rephrasing their search. and that for a couple minutes, while the words flash through their eyes and into their brain that their toetips will tingle and their hairtips will sway and that they might just understand the idea... of me.
i think sometimes i tell people i love them just so they'll say it back. maybe not. maybe i really just want them to be happy for a second. everyone wants to be loved.
it's one of those nights. you don't know what i mean... yet. a film-loneliness night. the movie was cute. that whole 'socialist readings/thimble thing'? i knew i'd seen it a hundred times before. but it had to be maggie gyllenhaal. do i love her because her name is 'maggie gyllenhaal' and anyone with that name must be wonderful? because her characters in the last two movies i've seen her in have been bakers and cake-makers? i think i might work at a bakery this summer. just because of her. is that silly? maybe i'll meet a maggie gyllenhaal there. a real one. i think it's because it's me, because it's my situation, because of what i feel is important, because of what i've been through, that it resonates so strongly. when they're laying in bed and the narrator's talking about falling in love and she rolls over against will ferrell? yeah. is it naive to think that's all that is worth living for? it probably is. right now i could care less. i also hate the feeling that there's not a single way a common person can approach an actress and be taken seriously. and not be a fan wanting an autograph. and not be a waste of time. same goes for singers. and it's not like i've tried. it's just that i can see it happening and i know exactly how it plays out. exactly. exactly.
it just occurred to me that i should name my new old bicycle. i think 'maggie' would do just fine.
i want to keep writing... i just can't think of anything else important right now. another night... 'the she'. she's somewhere. in the next second, both our hearts will beat. did you hear it?
posted by sunshine at 1:28 AM
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