orke...
bouncy tonight. a while back i was sitting at the worker's table and saw a girl ordering coffee. she was facing the other direction and had gray sweatpants and a pink hoodie on. i don't know how but i knew exactly who it was... ipsp girl. the one who, when we're picking out names chose "jack kerouac" which prompted me to tell her i wish i'd chosen that. not that "baby's got the bends" wasn't great anyway. always made the study directors smile. this beautiful kid got to be a target while my friend and i got placed as observers, the significantly less fun flip side. benefit was, even though we were both assigned to be observing boring heavy girl, we could watch hipspg the whole time, which was the case the first time. i don't know that we saw her again, though. in the second half of the semester, when i was stuck watching dvd's of yet another boring ugly girl (and only her, as it was she the camera was focused on) my dvd fucked up and i got to switch it out for a 4-way group shot for the rest of the observation. lo and behold, hipspg. anyway, i recognized her from behind, which was odd. she has such a demeanor, so composed and relaxed and cool. you know, the kind of girl who, in a hoodie and sweatpants, is so much more attractive than most other girls out there who are trying so much harder... and "jack kerouac"? come on... what can i do?
she didn't stick around, though, and i was left sitting alone again. i mean, it's nice
wait wait wait wait... that "if you lay here..." song just ended and now it's enrique wanting to be my hero coming in over the coffeehouse speakers. i'm walking back to my room. this isn't worth it.
...
ok, back in the comforting and quiet confines of my box. tv is (thankfully) on mute, leaving me with my typing and the song in my head (the reason for my bounciness). forget that last coffeehouse thought, there. it wouldn't have helped anyone. in an unrelated note, i looked at someone's pictures on fbook today and had a bad realization about them.
i'm registered for summer school at ncstate. couldn't imagine anything more fun than that. every morning at eight. three hours. tuesday and thursday i have to wait around for two and a half hours after all that for my lab at two. oh man. i can't wait... god, let it be easy. all of this leads me to my most recent career choice: pharmacy. the logical thing would be to transfer to carolina right now but i don't really want to leave wake so i'm not going to. just gonna finish out two more years and get my degrees here, then transfer into the 3rd or 4th year of the pharmD at unc. spend a couple years there, a year in a hospital, and get a job in some hospital pharmacy. 27 years old and making $100,000. that's the plan, anyway.
"oh, yesterday came suddenly..."
it was a strange day. beautiful in a photograph. blue skies, electric green trees, people walking about. but blustery winds and noises. i walked out my door at five till ten. amplified voices from the chapel next door. it was holocaust remembrance day. 12 straight hours of names being read, not even close to reaching 6,000,000 (and that was just for the jews...). a couple hours later, in the beginning of art class, a girl a couple rows down from me told her friend she'd heard there was a shooting up at virginia tech and that one was dead and seven injured. i dismissed it as a minor tragedy and forgot. at lunch, before i left for my room, a friend asked me if i'd heard about the 20 dead up at vtech. i told her she was crazy and was making shit up cause i'd heard it was only 1. she insisted so i said i'd just look it up when i got back. returned to my room with food and checked the message boards. sure enough, there was a thread devoted to it all. i started reading at the beginning to catch everything as it unfolded. appalling isn't the right word, but it's close. the cable was out campuswide due to the winds and i was forced to have a russian news channel on in the background while continuously scanning the board and any online news agent i could find. my window was open... it was so beautiful outside. all of them had different numbers to display. it was 16, then 20, then 22. pretty soon, speculation reached 30. you could watch them rise. people reported different sources, different speculations. 22 to 32 hurt. just like a pressure wave square in the chest, every time it rose. shocking isn't the right word, but it's close. one guy was posting from his locked-down dorm room, two floors above the first murder. he didn't have tv or cell phone so he posted to us. he broke down crying talking about how insane it all was. just crazy. pretty soon stories came out about some poster's friend here having a friend there who was the only person to survive in his classroom. the tv came back and with it videos of the cops outside, gunshots coming in bunches, up to 18 in thirty seconds or so. horrifying isn't the right word, but it's close.
i had to leave so i walked out and went down to look at the deacon shop sale around five. they were still reading victims' names. pretty soon the wind carried them away. i was dismayed to see a girl there. she said hello and asked me how i was doing. i told her i wasn't doing too well at all. she asked why. i responded, "oh... just today i guess" and walked away. she didn't bother me again. i bought a shirt and walked back. the sun filtering through the trees, the grass ready to be mowed. the wind dancing with the names.
at two today, the bell in the chapel rang thirty three times. i walked outside to listen, sat down on huff steps in the sunlight by myself. people everywhere stopped. it was the loudest i'd ever heard those bells before, the most vocal and plaintive. without exaggerating, i can tell you it sounded like a hundred thousand people weeping.
she didn't stick around, though, and i was left sitting alone again. i mean, it's nice
wait wait wait wait... that "if you lay here..." song just ended and now it's enrique wanting to be my hero coming in over the coffeehouse speakers. i'm walking back to my room. this isn't worth it.
...
ok, back in the comforting and quiet confines of my box. tv is (thankfully) on mute, leaving me with my typing and the song in my head (the reason for my bounciness). forget that last coffeehouse thought, there. it wouldn't have helped anyone. in an unrelated note, i looked at someone's pictures on fbook today and had a bad realization about them.
i'm registered for summer school at ncstate. couldn't imagine anything more fun than that. every morning at eight. three hours. tuesday and thursday i have to wait around for two and a half hours after all that for my lab at two. oh man. i can't wait... god, let it be easy. all of this leads me to my most recent career choice: pharmacy. the logical thing would be to transfer to carolina right now but i don't really want to leave wake so i'm not going to. just gonna finish out two more years and get my degrees here, then transfer into the 3rd or 4th year of the pharmD at unc. spend a couple years there, a year in a hospital, and get a job in some hospital pharmacy. 27 years old and making $100,000. that's the plan, anyway.
"oh, yesterday came suddenly..."
it was a strange day. beautiful in a photograph. blue skies, electric green trees, people walking about. but blustery winds and noises. i walked out my door at five till ten. amplified voices from the chapel next door. it was holocaust remembrance day. 12 straight hours of names being read, not even close to reaching 6,000,000 (and that was just for the jews...). a couple hours later, in the beginning of art class, a girl a couple rows down from me told her friend she'd heard there was a shooting up at virginia tech and that one was dead and seven injured. i dismissed it as a minor tragedy and forgot. at lunch, before i left for my room, a friend asked me if i'd heard about the 20 dead up at vtech. i told her she was crazy and was making shit up cause i'd heard it was only 1. she insisted so i said i'd just look it up when i got back. returned to my room with food and checked the message boards. sure enough, there was a thread devoted to it all. i started reading at the beginning to catch everything as it unfolded. appalling isn't the right word, but it's close. the cable was out campuswide due to the winds and i was forced to have a russian news channel on in the background while continuously scanning the board and any online news agent i could find. my window was open... it was so beautiful outside. all of them had different numbers to display. it was 16, then 20, then 22. pretty soon, speculation reached 30. you could watch them rise. people reported different sources, different speculations. 22 to 32 hurt. just like a pressure wave square in the chest, every time it rose. shocking isn't the right word, but it's close. one guy was posting from his locked-down dorm room, two floors above the first murder. he didn't have tv or cell phone so he posted to us. he broke down crying talking about how insane it all was. just crazy. pretty soon stories came out about some poster's friend here having a friend there who was the only person to survive in his classroom. the tv came back and with it videos of the cops outside, gunshots coming in bunches, up to 18 in thirty seconds or so. horrifying isn't the right word, but it's close.
i had to leave so i walked out and went down to look at the deacon shop sale around five. they were still reading victims' names. pretty soon the wind carried them away. i was dismayed to see a girl there. she said hello and asked me how i was doing. i told her i wasn't doing too well at all. she asked why. i responded, "oh... just today i guess" and walked away. she didn't bother me again. i bought a shirt and walked back. the sun filtering through the trees, the grass ready to be mowed. the wind dancing with the names.
at two today, the bell in the chapel rang thirty three times. i walked outside to listen, sat down on huff steps in the sunlight by myself. people everywhere stopped. it was the loudest i'd ever heard those bells before, the most vocal and plaintive. without exaggerating, i can tell you it sounded like a hundred thousand people weeping.
posted by sunshine at 1:26 AM
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