i have a confession to make. im not catholic but i still feel that you need to hear this. i am a sick person. a sick sick person. no i dont talk about sex and drugs to everyone and no im not a perv or anything, just sick. ive been sick for a week and i hate it. i havent written anything good, why? because im sick. i know by now you hate me being sick too, yeah sure you do. well, if you do or not i will explain anyway. if you've read the last entry, you will have noticed that my dad was sick for a while. well, in the confines of that little, cramped, clostrophobic, absolutely WONDERFUL roadster, im pretty sure i got down with the sickness. this was one of my better sicknesses tho. the symptoms didnt include fun stuff like plugged nose and nausea. already i was wishing that if i had to ever be sick, this is how i would be sick... but it progressed and grew into the hideous monster of a day or two ago. it started with a little throat pain, nothing big but just enough to make you swallow every 20 seconds (why do you do that anyway??). anyway, the throat pain brought a partner to this specific little hoe down. i'd like to think of it as a brain freeze without the pain or the icecream. i couldnt think straight, you know, walking into tables and banging my head into light fixtures (of course i do that all the time anyway... dont deny it you know you do to). ive said a lot of stupid incoherent things in the last week and i apologize for that, i just hope you guys laughed. now the thing about being sick is avoiding mornings. i can wrap up all nite and talk to people and be just fine. i can cough some and live with it. but mornings, oh mornings, mornings are the devil. in the morning, everything is magnified. light is too bright, the clock is too small, your head hurts like shit ahh, your throat hurts like shitty shit ahhh, and your thinking is half dreaming and incoherent which can be a little fun. the lighter on the table becomes... ::hey, theres a fire... whoooa:: you know how it is. can be interesting if imposed on the right people. for example, your friends sneak into your room while your still asleep and have a conversation with you, they record it and play it at school... very entertaining. there are the wrong people too. take your parents, who yell at you and you yell back and they yell at you and you yell back and end up forgetting the whole thing. this tends to piss them off. but then again, its much worse on sick days. then again, you could just call and stay home. this is a little known remedy known as hookey. staying home from school with no parents means you are better. really, it works. so i stay home the next monday we're supposed to go to school. felt great, it was all wonderful... then my parents came home and i was sick again, i hate this. anyway, another thing about staying home, in the end you will be forced to go to the doctors. your parents are likely to say its just because they love you and really think you're sick but really its just to prove their point that you arent so they can bitch at you about it later. trust me, thats what its about. well i got busted on this certain occasion. its odd here, we get to the doctor's 10 minutes late and still have to wait in that little room for 20 minutes before he gets to us. its a time travel oddity: whenever you arrive it will be at least 15 minutes before the doctor will see you. anyway, after he got there, he gets the pleasure of writing a small novel on the back of my throat with a cotten swab. this he enjoys. why? because i gag like a little girl the whole time... sick pleasure. but anyway, after all that he comes back and says, nope not strep, just a virus. my mom gives me one of those looks and im busted. why cant i ever get sick?? nobody ever feels sorry for the guy with the virus... i mean theres always the kid at school with the broken arm, the one that got back from cancer, the one battling migrains... they get sympathy from other people. then theres me with my virus and im just nasty... o well. today i thought it was gone. i hadnt taken any pills yet and i was still alive and thinking. o all that was about to change. after the stupid band sex-tional and going to get a new cd player for my car (sweeeeet premium audio baby!!) i noticed i was itching on my arm. it was just a little spot. i leave it alone and dont worry. 30 minutes later, i go into the bathroom its a welt! ahh and oh my legs are itching too... awww nooo, this sucks guys cuz im breaking out, breaking out in hives. hives, big white red welts on my arms, legs, hips, everywhere im literally covered in the buggers. now, ive had hives once before. i went to the doctor or something and got an injection or something and it went away in a few days. those few days sucked. so i come home itching (but with a new cd player) and get straight into a bathtub filled with oatmeal. yes people, if you havent ever had hives thats what they do to you, give you oatmeal baths... with oatmeal soap... nasty. anyway, after my oatmeal scrubbin, i get out and find this oil (im on more pills again by now). so i pour some out and its all yellow and old and thick and ive just got to use it cuz my leg resembles the dark side of the moon. as well as both arms, the other leg, my hips and well you get the point. so i climb in the bathtub again, pour this greasy stuff all over me and rinse it off again. i could run a quarter over my arm and scrape some off it was so nasty... but hey, it worked. i love this! so i put on a bathrobe and flannel pants and im all comfortable and my parents wait on my and feed me and i watch hockey and its all wonderful. but then! the great thing about hives is they come in an hour but leave in 5 minutes. suddenly i looked and they were literally all gone... amazing, but wonderful. so anyway, here i am all greasy skinned and scratching my bellybutton... and life's cool. all i have to worry about now is whats next because i know its not over. bad things come in 3's rite? well bring it on, im ready, i can take it... and if i cant i will just drink some tea, lay down and submiss untill im strong enough to beat it. my confidence is sky high. sure it is, now whos gonna do your algebra homework eh? you cant just imagine imaginary numbers... o shit forgot about that....

The Return and Sequels 3,4, and 5
well, its thrusday and i now realize that i couldnt have jynxed myself more. up there last nite writing all cocky like it was over... i screwed myself right then and there. "well bring it on, im ready, i can take it..." yeah rite. well i didnt mean literally, give me a break. anyway the point to all this is that the damn hives actually came back. not only did they return, the came and went at leisure 3 more times. this is killin me, slowly but surely breaking me down until my skin will all welt up and crack and i will fall into a pyramid of dust. the bad part is, theres nothing i can do about it. i can take these little yellow pills to make it not itch as bad but i cant erase the little plateau's from my legs... or arms or chest or back or face for that matter. i cant believe i actually thought they were gone, and then asked for them to come back... MORON! but anyway, i found out this morning at 3am. i was having a dream that for some reason everything i did made me itch somewhere. it was like i was voluntarily flipping cards and a tv beside me would go grey and static. when this happened i would itch all over and scratch, then voluntarily flip another card. like i needed to do that... i finally woke up to find more hives. this time they covered the top of my feet and my chest and a little on my face. this was really annoying. the only good part about it was that only my feet itched. so i went back downstairs and took another pill. now i had to go back to my room and attempt to sleep with my feet literally dancing under the covers cuz it itches so bad. so i turn the tv on to catch a conan rerun on nbc. i watch this boredly for a while and finally notice that my feet have settled down and i was gettin sleepy. i love those pills... anyway, i woke up this morning with the same hives in the same spots as last night. almost didnt come to school but i did, and it turns out the shit on my face went away before i got there, thank god. the rest of the crap went away after a period. again, im over it, whoo... again, a period later, its back again. ugh i hate this again. shit covering my legs and chest again. take another pill. it goes away again, whoo... an hour later im at home. its back again, dammit ahhhh!!! same place as before but on the face too!!! i face it for another fucking hour and it goes away again. by now i have abandoned the "whoo." im convinced that this may be one of the instigators here. see, its an allergic reaction and ive got the tedious job of searching and destroying whats causing it. ive so far narrowed it down to three possible suspects. its either suspect A: a new deoderant i got a week ago and have been using since. contains aluminum, may cause allergic reactions... subject #2: the "whoo", everytime i think its gone and say ''whoo,'' it comes back... third exhibit: chapstick, im convinced its the new chapstick. my lips have been conspicuously dry lately so i tried a new chapstick. i could tell from the start something wasnt rite. it tasted funny, came in a black tube... many circumstances not gelling with the typical chapstick. no denying it quickly lubed my lips up nice and good but still, i would rather not have the hives dammit. ive stopped all three in an attempt to rid myself of this ugly disease. dont worry, im using another deoderant... so it comes back to now again. thursday nite. im not gonna risk it again. ive had a fairly good day (drove the miata wide open to get gas) and i dont want to risk it by daring the hives to come get me. sooo, to the hives: please please im begging you leave me alone. you can have your fucking chapstick back, just please dont hurt me. i can take the pills to keep myself alive but you still come back. i wont dare you to get me this time. im not as cocky as before. youve taught me my lesson. (never never ever use chapstick from a black tube) just let me be... and life will be sweet again. ill keep you posted guys, peace!