im not the kind of person to get claustrophobic but i can get at what they're feeling. i will just be sitting in class and stare at a wall. sometimes i will realize that its a wall im staring at instead of just the wall im staring at. if that happens i can look around, look at the other walls, the ceilings, everything in the room. i realize that im not sittin in the school or the city or on the world, im in a box. none of the windows are open, that door there is way too small. im aware of the size of the box, its not really that big but all these kids are crammed in here and none are worried. just think what good friends and mortal enemies we would become if our exits were sealed and we were forced to be roommates till it all ended. just by coincidence we would all bond together and survive, whoever is in the room. but thats just if the walls close in that much, i can see them and they can feel me. kindof clogs your breathing, those 6 walls that hold the box together, hold you in. clogs your mind because from then on, wherever you look you see a wall. an unmoving obstinant wall to suppress you until you are nothing. besides that i was thinking of whats next, theres a project in gopo, project in band, papers to do, shit to think about... there is always something of these in life. something to do next, something to worry about, a deadline to fill. after a while you get used to it, store all it in the back of your mind until you need to scrape it off the underside of your lunch table to use it again. then you do it and get assigned something else. its all a cycle, store, work, recieve, store again... its life. since most of this is school related i usually cant wait till summer, seeing as then i at least have a few months with nothing on my mind, that is, unless its worrying about school starting again. we just read all quiet on the western front, pretty grisly and all but still a good book. i was left thinking, you know, they dont worry about anything out there on the battlegrounds. tomorrow doesnt register, its now. everything, life, death, its all now. you are all that exists. i was thinking, besides the fact that its a life and death situation, thats wonderful. not thinking about tomorrow or something coming up or future responsibilities. i mean, every now and then it feels good to plan stuff out, to secure your goals and make the most of them. but sometimes youre so wasted that you want to just sleep and not worry about whats gonna happen when you wake up. its just nothing, nothing at all. nothing isnt nothing nothing's something thats important to me. having that nothing ahead of you is wonderful, its freedom, its bliss. having that nothing is the most important thing to worry about sometimes. just relax and let life do what it may. everyone's a little nothing but thats ok, thats how its supposed to be. you have to keep a part of yourself outside the grind to live. im a believer that once you get sucked in its hard to find a way out. im not opposed to always having something to do all the time, people are like that. some of my best friends are always making their next plans... some nights though you have to let it go. lay down on the floor for once, sing to yourself, make angels in the dust, appreciate the quiet, fall asleep without a bed... its endless the possibilities. so, ive got a lot to look forward to right? i mean, theres a life ahead of me... what am i waiting for?