i feel like god is interferring again but oh hell it is wonderful isnt it? like sudden boosts of talent submerged in insane riffs from crazy acoustics and i dont really know where im going with this. but really, the symbolism here is killer and too weird and maybe it really is just me but my life could be back on the right track. if i can prove to myself that its possible and ultimately perform at the right times i can see this going far, people, far. and it all comes down to pure fucking symbolism and love for the sound, the music, the essence of yourself in notes and pick patterns and it is all so lovely that i cant possibly handle it myself. i need to tell someone and i need to keep it a secret because i cant handle this myself!!!! but seriously, sacredness, must protect the sacredness. but all hell this must happen and work and the future has to have both of us in it because of this. if it all comes down to it i have a secret weapon, something you never saw coming, and believe me i will win. no chance otherwise.

but is it really god again or just myself? i feel like ive gone over this far too much lately, too much thinking on the subject of god but why not? really, what better to focus on than the omnipotent? it is so fucking cool. and if it is real, all the dimensions it adds to life. its incredible, i cant comprehend it, you cant comprehend it. lets all go to college and major in theology and stage protests and get killed by radicals. why dont we? hell yes. right on. god i love this night. i wrote a poem religiously minded earlier today and one from ap exams last week so i will post them both. and even though we havent spoken, i love you too. all of you.


todays...

tell me all your thoughts on god
and let me watch your lying eyes
to find just how much you believe

and tell me all your demon's names
the angels in your head and mine
are weird enough to take the blame

and tell me how much you will pay
the devils blessings never
last too long efore you feel the pain

and tell me what youre going to do
when six billion people go to hell
just because you asked them to


and last weeks...

i dont think there ever were three truer words said to me
than paul mccartney singing forth that golden phrase, let it be

as if the answer to my pain rested low in apathy
mother mary ought to know the wisest words, let it be