a charlie brown story
i meant for this to go in the last post but i conveniently forgot when it came time to write it. lately its felt as though life were a lot like a charlie brown story. ignored or mistreated by nearly everyone - however true or untrue that may be - but quietly floating on. i have more hair, at least. not only that, but i'm in love with a red-haired girl. she doesn't know i exist and i'm ok with that. it's enough for me just to see her around. i first caught sight of her at a frisbee party out off polo road one night, all dressed up in blue for a keg race. i was standing quietly with a group of friends when she came in with some of hers, all smiles and ready for a good drunk. deep red hair with a nice curl and a lillywhite face. i don't think i spoke to her, that night or since. she was in the pit a couple nights ago in a green top and white skirt covered in yellow printed flowers. she moved with such grace and reserve, not bubbly but perfectly content and confident. she sat alone but i knew she wouldn't be that way for long. maybe someday i'll speak to her but right now i just don't have the urge. i've had beautiful girls and lost them {tongue-in-cheek i guess} and i'm content to let her continue on unscarred for a while. probably forever if she's lucky ;)
for now i'm hanging out in some random strip mall sports bar off stratford, having made a quick exit from a freeroll poker tournament i got talked into attending. the other 3/4 of the group is still in. better them, i guess... i have work to do. this is interesting, as i don't hang out in bars much. really no use to when you're underaged, though. it's one of those places with alcoholic neon signs hanging all over the walls, smoky but not unpleasant. i don't mind a little smoke, though. miller and coors light banners traverse the middle of the room, hanging from the rafters. ther's no ceiling, really, just an aluminum roof a foot-and-a-half above the crisscrossing rafters, wires, plumbing, and lights. the room is pretty much quartered into a bar, two pool tables, a kareoke floor, and poker tables/dart boards. i can just sit to one side, under five consecutive teleivisions and smell the smoke while i write. it's nice actually. in fact, there are three exit signs i can see from where i'm sitting, one with part of the 'e' busted out. how lovely. this is a happy bar. not like i've seen a lot, but there's loud pop-rock music playing in one corner, people playing poker, playing pool, no drunks or winos, no depressants or lonelies that i can see, just people hanging out smoking and drinking and one fool on the side writing it all down to make words.
what a place to write about homosexuality... a bar in which i would bet sit at least ten or fifteen homophobes. i have always been sensitive to peoples' intolerances, whether about race, religion, sexual preference, whatever. i try and avoid making jokes about it, although i'm probably as guilty as the next guy. truth is, i wouldn't classify myself as anything but classically straight but i have no problem with anyone who isn't. i feel guilty about automatically prefacing this by saying i'm not gay because, to me, it doesn't matter. it's just that to a lot of people, it does. maybe i should take on the seinfeld philosophy of the matter: i'm not gay... not that there's anything wrong with that. no, i'm guilty of it too sometimes, if only in thought and not in practice. i'll wonder, every now and then, what it would be like. ther's a part of me that wouldn't mind it much. my art teacher told our class once, in 8th grade, that 99% of guys will have at least one homosexual experience in their lifetime. i never knew quite what she meant by that. must have been a mental thing, because i know there's not a great percentage of practicing homosexuals. throughout high school, i had a gay friend or two. there was at least one guy who used to kid me, freshman or sophomore year, that he thought i was gay because i didn't have a girlfriend. that used to hurt a little bit, i remember. i've been to concerts and made half-joking comments about there being guys in the band i would go gay for. this is usually met with much flack and me wondering what they were thinking about me. truth is, i probably would go at least bisexual for a night in the unlikely event that one of them was attracted to me. don't think i could handle the gay thing though, love the girls too much. i could end this by restating just how not-gay i actually am... i just don't think it should matter.
oh yeah, i happened across a facebook group today called "homophobes are so gay." it made me laugh ;) i guess all this homo-friendliness falls under the banner of hippie liberal pinko commie anyway. i'd just like to see how many god-fearing conservatives are turned on by the sight of two hot {presumably} bisexual girls making out... i mean, who isn't?
for now i'm hanging out in some random strip mall sports bar off stratford, having made a quick exit from a freeroll poker tournament i got talked into attending. the other 3/4 of the group is still in. better them, i guess... i have work to do. this is interesting, as i don't hang out in bars much. really no use to when you're underaged, though. it's one of those places with alcoholic neon signs hanging all over the walls, smoky but not unpleasant. i don't mind a little smoke, though. miller and coors light banners traverse the middle of the room, hanging from the rafters. ther's no ceiling, really, just an aluminum roof a foot-and-a-half above the crisscrossing rafters, wires, plumbing, and lights. the room is pretty much quartered into a bar, two pool tables, a kareoke floor, and poker tables/dart boards. i can just sit to one side, under five consecutive teleivisions and smell the smoke while i write. it's nice actually. in fact, there are three exit signs i can see from where i'm sitting, one with part of the 'e' busted out. how lovely. this is a happy bar. not like i've seen a lot, but there's loud pop-rock music playing in one corner, people playing poker, playing pool, no drunks or winos, no depressants or lonelies that i can see, just people hanging out smoking and drinking and one fool on the side writing it all down to make words.
what a place to write about homosexuality... a bar in which i would bet sit at least ten or fifteen homophobes. i have always been sensitive to peoples' intolerances, whether about race, religion, sexual preference, whatever. i try and avoid making jokes about it, although i'm probably as guilty as the next guy. truth is, i wouldn't classify myself as anything but classically straight but i have no problem with anyone who isn't. i feel guilty about automatically prefacing this by saying i'm not gay because, to me, it doesn't matter. it's just that to a lot of people, it does. maybe i should take on the seinfeld philosophy of the matter: i'm not gay... not that there's anything wrong with that. no, i'm guilty of it too sometimes, if only in thought and not in practice. i'll wonder, every now and then, what it would be like. ther's a part of me that wouldn't mind it much. my art teacher told our class once, in 8th grade, that 99% of guys will have at least one homosexual experience in their lifetime. i never knew quite what she meant by that. must have been a mental thing, because i know there's not a great percentage of practicing homosexuals. throughout high school, i had a gay friend or two. there was at least one guy who used to kid me, freshman or sophomore year, that he thought i was gay because i didn't have a girlfriend. that used to hurt a little bit, i remember. i've been to concerts and made half-joking comments about there being guys in the band i would go gay for. this is usually met with much flack and me wondering what they were thinking about me. truth is, i probably would go at least bisexual for a night in the unlikely event that one of them was attracted to me. don't think i could handle the gay thing though, love the girls too much. i could end this by restating just how not-gay i actually am... i just don't think it should matter.
oh yeah, i happened across a facebook group today called "homophobes are so gay." it made me laugh ;) i guess all this homo-friendliness falls under the banner of hippie liberal pinko commie anyway. i'd just like to see how many god-fearing conservatives are turned on by the sight of two hot {presumably} bisexual girls making out... i mean, who isn't?
posted by sunshine at 11:12 PM
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