fat
i think im getting fat. this is all relative, of course. im not really sure you can package 6'3/4" (optimistic), 140 and call it fat. i think it is that in the past two weeks, i have spend 75% of my time at the beach and the last 25% suffering in some capacity due to the extraction of 1/8 my teeth. theres a big lack of exercising there. i mean i usually try and lift weights or do situps or... something creative. well i havent and it seems that my new policy of eating a bowl of icecream every night hasnt helped. oh well. at least i have a wicked tan.
dave letterman's doing the monologue. the background to the set is a mural(?) or picture or mockup of nyc. i have never been to nyc. the closest i have ever come to that - dammit, what is it? its mystical... its so heavy. the city carries so much weight. media builds it up, people visit and tell me about it, citizens of the world have an opinion of it. its that important. but its still just a city. doesnt seem fair though... - city was on the way to massachusettes this past spring break to snowboard. we drove past newark and saw the city from no more than a couple miles and i was amazed because until then it had been just an idea and the thought that it was actually real, actually there was shocking. i know conan uses a similar backdrop, the city. someday i want to live there. i figure once i graduate from wake with my psychology major (subject to change... of course) i will go live up there and find a roommate to study with and go to nyu's med school. just to live there. just once. that's something... i think.
a friend recently found fault with my plan to be a psyche major because, as she put it, "how can you expect to help other people when you often cant help yourself?" well thats a good question. far as i can tell, its mostly resolved though, seeing as the problem was under her nose {wow, i just wrote 'knose'}. and i dont mean to sound mean or anything, thats just how it came out. we both agreed that it would be weird but... i have this strange notion to be an art minor. probably art history seeing as i cant really do art, far as i can tell anyway. still... i have taken one art class since elementary school and that was for a semester in eighth grade. basically only because i didnt want to take spanish. i mean, i did really well but apparently im just not the kind of guy to be an art minor. my dad seems to think that there will be a lot of women in the classes. art major women... and if any of them are redheads named clare, i think i will die.
of course, how reliable can this all be? i came up with it yesterday morning sitting in a coffee shop with my dad, going over the whole academic planning packet, utterly high on a 20oz. 'redeye' {some mix of coffee and espresso with a too big shot of 'frosted mint'}. understand, after i get a 20oz. redeye in me, i am very productive. once it cooled off enough to drink like a soda, i would take a gulp and just wait it out, make faces, shake a little, make noises... its terrible. we were planning my classes and looking for exemptions and talking majors and i was all up IN that shit. no really, very productive. and not a tiny bit scary.
last, a more somber subject. there comes a time in most kids {i hate the word teen} lives when they go to college. {jesus, this is reading like a sex talk} shit, some are dating people and most will not go to school together. and some, like my good buddies angela and david, have to break up beforehand because things just wouldnt work out. i hate this. they were {are... scuse me} friends of mine, two good people. two good people who made a good couple. and im not writing this just because angela wrote about it and i commented and she commented... nooooo im writing this because it bothers me. both because i want to have what they have/had and because everything has worked out so fucking badly so far. i want that misery again, the kind that love lost brings. with any luck they will become friends and get through it fine. its still a damn hard process. and i have nobody to give up. of the three girls i could find myself falling for {or already have}, all three are moving away from me. or i am moving away from them... either way, after we all go off to school, i will be at least 100 more miles farther away from every single one of them. this shouldnt be terribly distressing as theres only two of them i speak to: one very rarely, and the other whom i dont really get along with. {the only one i ever see {rarely, anyway} is the one i never speak to. the only one i get along with, i have never met. this really is my life...} so maybe nothing will change. but i want to have to deal with that because that pain is so real to me. its assurance that you are alive and have something to believe in. and when its as much trouble for them as it is for me {which really hasnt happened before...} im sure that is redeeming in a way. i have lost my train of thought. i want what they have, or had, and i hate that they have to break up because they are wonderful people and that is all i have to say about that for now.
this isnt about me though
dave letterman's doing the monologue. the background to the set is a mural(?) or picture or mockup of nyc. i have never been to nyc. the closest i have ever come to that - dammit, what is it? its mystical... its so heavy. the city carries so much weight. media builds it up, people visit and tell me about it, citizens of the world have an opinion of it. its that important. but its still just a city. doesnt seem fair though... - city was on the way to massachusettes this past spring break to snowboard. we drove past newark and saw the city from no more than a couple miles and i was amazed because until then it had been just an idea and the thought that it was actually real, actually there was shocking. i know conan uses a similar backdrop, the city. someday i want to live there. i figure once i graduate from wake with my psychology major (subject to change... of course) i will go live up there and find a roommate to study with and go to nyu's med school. just to live there. just once. that's something... i think.
a friend recently found fault with my plan to be a psyche major because, as she put it, "how can you expect to help other people when you often cant help yourself?" well thats a good question. far as i can tell, its mostly resolved though, seeing as the problem was under her nose {wow, i just wrote 'knose'}. and i dont mean to sound mean or anything, thats just how it came out. we both agreed that it would be weird but... i have this strange notion to be an art minor. probably art history seeing as i cant really do art, far as i can tell anyway. still... i have taken one art class since elementary school and that was for a semester in eighth grade. basically only because i didnt want to take spanish. i mean, i did really well but apparently im just not the kind of guy to be an art minor. my dad seems to think that there will be a lot of women in the classes. art major women... and if any of them are redheads named clare, i think i will die.
of course, how reliable can this all be? i came up with it yesterday morning sitting in a coffee shop with my dad, going over the whole academic planning packet, utterly high on a 20oz. 'redeye' {some mix of coffee and espresso with a too big shot of 'frosted mint'}. understand, after i get a 20oz. redeye in me, i am very productive. once it cooled off enough to drink like a soda, i would take a gulp and just wait it out, make faces, shake a little, make noises... its terrible. we were planning my classes and looking for exemptions and talking majors and i was all up IN that shit. no really, very productive. and not a tiny bit scary.
last, a more somber subject. there comes a time in most kids {i hate the word teen} lives when they go to college. {jesus, this is reading like a sex talk} shit, some are dating people and most will not go to school together. and some, like my good buddies angela and david, have to break up beforehand because things just wouldnt work out. i hate this. they were {are... scuse me} friends of mine, two good people. two good people who made a good couple. and im not writing this just because angela wrote about it and i commented and she commented... nooooo im writing this because it bothers me. both because i want to have what they have/had and because everything has worked out so fucking badly so far. i want that misery again, the kind that love lost brings. with any luck they will become friends and get through it fine. its still a damn hard process. and i have nobody to give up. of the three girls i could find myself falling for {or already have}, all three are moving away from me. or i am moving away from them... either way, after we all go off to school, i will be at least 100 more miles farther away from every single one of them. this shouldnt be terribly distressing as theres only two of them i speak to: one very rarely, and the other whom i dont really get along with. {the only one i ever see {rarely, anyway} is the one i never speak to. the only one i get along with, i have never met. this really is my life...} so maybe nothing will change. but i want to have to deal with that because that pain is so real to me. its assurance that you are alive and have something to believe in. and when its as much trouble for them as it is for me {which really hasnt happened before...} im sure that is redeeming in a way. i have lost my train of thought. i want what they have, or had, and i hate that they have to break up because they are wonderful people and that is all i have to say about that for now.
this isnt about me though
posted by sunshine at 11:23 PM
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