i dentity

my entire life i've thought i was o-negative. i always liked that because it felt like it fit. the universal donor. like a tiny martyr. my mother decides to tell me tonight that she's o-pos, as well as my sister, and that i'm (gasp) b. b? what the fuck? that's not special at all. not even one of the cool ones (o and ab). just stupid b. it could be argued that it's the worst blood type, behind a.

it's just... who am i?? maybe i could use this as a starting block to grow from. i'm a new man. oh yes.

i was walking around upstairs earlier, gathering my clothes for the laundry. i looked in my parents' room and our kitten was sitting on their bed in the dark, watching me. you could barely see her in the black, blending in with the spread. i walked in there and hugged her, picked her up and flipped over on my back on the bed. sat her down on my bare stomach and petted her a bit. eventually just laid my arms on the bed and left her there. and i lay there in the dark, that cat sitting on my stomach, purring her little heart out, for a couple minutes at least.

sound beautiful? it was.





know any friends? i need some.

sad story

i was sitting in my room tonight before walking out to the coffee shop, pre-monsoon. i had to go to the bathroom so i stood and walked over to the door. when i got there, i heard a noise out in the hall. i quietly moved and looked out the door-hole to find a girl crying. she was on her cell phone in the hallway really just... crying. a lot. it was terrible.

what was worse is that i didn't know what to do. she lives two rooms down from me. we are in the same physics class. the thing is, since none of us really wanted to live here (probably) and we aren't in a suite or anything, everyone has their own friends and nobody really cares to make any new ones. i kept thinking... if we'd ever spoken, ever met, ever said hi when passing in the bathroom, i'd go out there. but i just watched from behind my door. i don't mean to be a stalker but i wanted to go to the bathroom and i didn't want to walk out in the hallway while she was there crying and have to do... something.

and then she went in the bathroom.

i could hear the sobs through both doors and i stood there akwardly looking out the hole and listening... feeling like a bastard. another guy walked by, stopped, listened to the crying. stood there a second, listening. he wanted to help but didn't know what to do either. finally he walked on down to his room. he left and went to the lounge. i stood there while she was in the bathroom. the guy walked by again a couple minutes later, stopped again, had a pained look on his face. again, tore himself away. eventually she came out of the bathroom and stood in the hallway some more, just crying.

she's a pretty girl, really. i wouldn't mind knowing her. i don't really know how to meet people, though. i stood there watching her, though. i imagined that if we had ever spoken before (and if i were fully dressed) i would walk out there and get her attention. i'd ask her if she is ok, but in a whisper and with hand/arm gesticulations because she would be talking. i'd ask her if she was sure. and then i'd walk over and give her an easy, not too close but reassuring one-armed hug. and hopefully she would feel better.

i didn't know her, though.

eventually i couldn't see her anymore. after a second i heard her breath in again, that crying way people breathe. and i couldn't hear her anymore. another girl walked by and went in the bathroom. i waited for her to leave. when she did i looked again, listened again, made sure nobody was around. i'm pretty anti-social sometimes.

i feel bad, though. i wish i could have helped her. i'm pretty good at that stuff, i think. i hope anyway. maybe someday i'll just help some poor girl i don't know.