whew, its been a while since ive really written anything. i was gonna write about bush's state of the union (pretty funny actually) but mrs newmark stole my notes, dont worry it'll be up here eventually. for now though, i want to discuss moliere's "tartuffe". im not gonna go literary on you or anything but just hear me out. it all started right after we finished candide (damn voltaire for that stupid book). we had to read tartuffe. its supposed to be a comedy, yeah from 17th century france. like they were funny back then. anyway, i got behind but then caught up the next nite and it all sucked. i look at the words on the page, i wouldnt go as far as reading them but i did see them. i acknoledged them and they acknoledged me but we just didnt interact. you know, like people from different cliques, its all understood. our version wasnt even interesting, no rhymes or fun shit like that. just prose, just boring speak. anyway, after all that torture i really cant remember what happened because, like i said, i just stared at the words and it was all understood. so then tonite theres a performance at the kennedy theater of the dress rehearsal for burning coal's production of tartuffe. so our english teacher wants the whole everyone to go but i really dont want to but o well, its extra credit. never thought i'd have to say this... so i end up paying $8 of my own fucking money to go see a production of tartuffe... yes its true. actually about everyone went so i figured it couldnt be that bad. so tonite i get there and everyone's in the lobby talking and shit and its not bad. we go into the theater (which is really not a theater but a side room for rehearsals). there are all these blue lights and a little stage in the middle with a table with cloth and 2 chairs. i choose to sit on the last row in the middle which turns out for the worse eventually but ill get to that later. anyway, they're playing this rock music, like psychedelic shit from the 60's. its wonderful until i realize its in french... even better! nothing relaxes me like 60's french psychedelic rock. so i start to thing, hey, this might not be that bad. thats when the old woman showed up. she was an actress doing her lines on the stage but there was something wrong. finally, i figured it out. she was a HE. yeah, it was an old man, disturbing in a word, gag me with a spoon in 5. im thinkin, o shit this better not be one of those all guy productions. whoo, was i wrong. turns out "dorine", who i thought was just a servant was actually a french maid. dressed like a french maid. with yeah, a 20 something woman inside the outfit. lets put it this way, if one of the guy's mooned us, she'd be the sun the whole way through... anyway, credited mostly to dorine's cleavage (oops i said it) the play wasnt that bad. dont call me dirty or anything, i watched the eyes of every guy in the whole place, you know what you were lookin at. besides that though, she was a bitch, which was really funny. slappin people and gettin pissed and yellin and oh it was beautiful. the dude playing orgon's face got red a few times and did you see how greasy tartuffe's hair was. o well, it was funny anyway. "if you were standing there naked i wouldnt be tempted at all by your hyde." you go dorine... well, the play was entertaining and the music rocked even though it was in french and unc lost to tech by 20 whooo and the canes lost which sucked but i feel i must include it anyway. i have to mention though, the best part of the play, if you were in the right position, which i was but 3 rows back was when dorine in all her glory bowed before us. i wish i had been barrett... ok so my night didnt suck as much as i thought it would. tartuffe rocked to say the least and props or some white man equivilant to the burning coal theater company for such wonderful costumes.... peace out y'all ill write up the sotu later...

ps-
lisa: tickets to tartuffe- 8$
gas to get to the theater-10$
front row seat when dorine takes a bow- priceless
tom: there are some things that money can't buy...for all of those guy things, there's mastercard.

i was just watching the wake virginia basketball game and thought id let you guys know something funny. theres a virginia player named "majestic mapp." as if thats not bad enough, it turns out his brother is called "scientific mapp>." haha...

yeah umm this is in response to the post below, the last paragraph specifically. as much as that really made my day and was all nice and great and all... but i now beleive there are limits that this should pertain to. im all for people being friendly but to a certain extent your privacy is a little exploited. ahem... for example, i was in a public bathroom somewhere last weekend. i was in the stall, you know, minding my own buisness when this little kid walks in. i could tell he was like 7 from his steps. he took off this big down jacket sounding thing and washed his hands or something. suddenly, he asks me my name. a little caught off guard i look and were the only 2 in the bathroom. i kinda dont answer for a second and when he asked the second time i responded with something really stupid, ahh i dont know what it was. but the point is, it was a really uncomfortable situation. as you can see, there are some times when the rules of stranger interaction are CLEARLY supposed to be followed. i can see the virtue of asking how someone's day's going in church or somewhere but asking questions to a guy in a bathroom stall?? please, do not disturb...

i was sittin in church today and i started wondering again... 2 things really got to me. you know when the whole congregation is saying something out of the hymnal (or off the projection screen for us)? you read all slow and stuff. everyone somehow pauses at the same time. how does everyone pause at the same time? how does everyone know to pronounce the words at the same speed and stop all at once and everything?? its odd, like a school of baitfish we all stand there and say the words. they're meaningful and all but once you stop listening to the words and start hearing the people its different. its just dadadada.... da dada... dada da.... amen. you know? how do they know? and also, whenever someone performs or someone sings or the choir is up there doing there thing and they finish a song sometimes you clap and sometimes you dont. why dont we clap all the time? does it not make them feel bad that we all just sit there and stare at them till someone else says something? we clap for some and not for others and i dont know why... does anyone really know? i know i dont clap until i hear others clap. how many other people wait till they hear everyone else clapping? is there some kind of clap initiator somewhere that gets a signal to start the clap or not? is he the one that claps first so the whole congregation gains momentun into an applause? how does he know anyway? if i were to clap just to start it would everyone look at me funny or join in? would it piss the clap initiator off? if everyone did clap with me, would it be an accomplishment? like starting a cheer at a game? anyway, im not sure how that works either.

the best thing about this morning was at church too. it wasnt in the sermon or in sunday school or anything, just an act of humanity. theres this guy, hes i dont know 17 or something. he looked like he may be injured or theres something wrong with him or something but maybe not too. he was just sittin in the hall. i dont know him at all. im about to walk past like usual and he says, ''good morning.'' so im like, ok, goodmorning too. so he starts asking me how my morning went and stuff so im like, it was alright, got out of the house late... you know. and he goes, yeah haha, its all cool tho. so i say yeah and he goes, well have a good day then. and i go, yeah you too. and i went to the bathroom. on my way out he just goes... "goodmorning... again" so i say it again and smile and it was cool. a complete stranger to me just asked how i was doing. it was uplifting sort of, rekindled my faith in humanity a little. just the knowledge that there are people out there who just care enough to overcome the unspoken rules of being strangers and talk to you... its almost amazing. anyway, i just thought i would relate that to you guys and maybe you will remember it next time you see someone who doesnt look too happy. you know, spread the love. goodnite guys!

tonite was a discusting piece of shit. just thought id get that out of the way. school was nice, half day, snow, and all in sandals... haha yeah. but tonite's been a bitch. ill cover school later, i dont feel like it now. i get home this afternoon and find out that we get to go to the hockey game tonite. YAY! the hockey game i love it. i had the premonition that the canes were gonna get raped again like they have been for the past... o i dont know it doenst matter they will get raped anyway. nj devils. hate everyone of the sob's. they all suck. i drive out to the rbc good, its all cool. we get to the stands and its all cool. they start the game and its all cool. o yeah, it was nc state football appreciation nite so there were a lot of packers there... anyway, instead of letting them score within a minute the canes managed to finally give about 12 into the game where weekes got schooled by this other dude. turned out to be his 500th goal, these things always happen against who im going for, i hate it. anyway, were all pissed now. the 2 guys sittin next to us ask if we could move down so they could bring their friends after the 1st period. thats cool with us so we move. after the first period the refs suck, weve shot 5 times (to their 13) and its 1-0 nj. o well, only 1/3 the way thru the game... we move down and it turns out that they bring like 6 friends who all sit behind us, drink, laugh, and yell at everyone. dammit, we gave our seats to hecklers from new jersey! this bites!! actually as the game progressed we got the idea that they werent actually nj loyalists but just hockey fans there for a game. unaffiliated, yelled at both sides, i can respect that to some extent just not when its against the canes dammit. 2nd period. bout the same as the first. the refs suck but we play hard. they score again but i will get back to you on this... anyway, after the 2nd period its 2-0 northern fuckers. i go get my icecream and its good. good icecream, actually a little melted. dammit even goodberries sucks!! ahh ok its ok the game is on again. we come out strong, dont score on a 5-3 but right afterwards shove a goal in. i was the first in the damn buiding to stand up... like it was a psychic connection. i was pissed about svoboda going to the minors but this guy... hereema... scored his first nhl goal. go hereema whoo! anyway, it was close but it all chalked up to shit. 2-1 devils. in fact, with that close of a game, fans were already leaving, this really pissed me off, its damn blasphemy. well back to the goal in the 2nd period. i can seriously, and not just because im pissed, make the connection that the refs lost the game for us. no it wasnt all the bad calls and no calls they made during the game, although it could have been. it was this... our player skates around the back of our goal with the puck, the ref doesnt move, trips the player who loses the puck to a jersey bitch who passes it and scores. this was an easy clear before the ref fucked it up for us. dammit. anyway, after the game i could only come up with 4 good moments in the game. #1: jesse bolourice drops the gloves and kicks a devil's ass to the tune of "let the bodies hit the floor" in the first period. you the man jesse. #2: jess hereema scores his first nhl goal. you the man hereema. #3: a ref gets hit in the head with a puck. haha you deserved it and we cheered. #4: some dude spills beer all over my little sister. AHHAHAHAHA.

anyway after that little escapade, we have to leave the arena. my moms driving since my dad had some beer and no one will let us out. its common courtesy bastards, take turns dammit. ahh well once we got out and after a few expletives under my breath we get to k-mart where me and my dad get in the wrangler with my mom in the libertyl behind us. now this is a stick shift, something im experienced enough with but i dont think that really mattered tonite because i was seriously out of it. i hadnt driven it in a while, just that little miata and thats got a helluva shorter throw than the jeep. in the miata you shift with your finger, in the jeep you shift from your waist up... i really pride myself in being a good driver, especially with a stick but this really was the worst time i have ever driven the jeep ever. i made more freshmen mistakes than bush did in 2001. it all started on the way out. we were stopped at a stoplight going uphill and my mom thank god gave me a good 30 feet of roll room because im not always perfect on hills. well the light turns green and i let the clutch out and rev it and roll backwards. i brake, clutch, unclutch, rev and roll backwards farther, dammit put the fucker in gear. riiiight. this was only the start. once i get on the real road im shiftin all funny and shit, i cant do nothin right. i get to a stoplight near some apartments and my mom drops back behind me again. its on a little hill too. im thinking, haha look at her, ill show her how to get out, put it in gear too. so the light turns green and i put it in gear... put it in gear... dammit it wont go in gear!!! put the damn clutch petal in... ahhhh!!! its going pretty bad now but its still not halfway over. im heading down, what, gorman street going 50. i see the stoplight up ahead to turn left at. i get in the turning lane. not that i cant see the gas station or that there is no one in the road ahead but i get in the damn turning lane anyway... its the wrong stoplight, stupid! ive got it in neutral look over my shoulder and see my mom a ways off and pull back into the lane. i actually thought about this. im going 45... lets see, 2nd gear?? vrrrrOOOOOOM the engine spools up to 5000 rpm and we slow 10 mph in a split second. up to third and we stay alive. i am such a horrible driver. the rest of the way home was about the same but without the big problems. im feeling so out of it it isnt even funny. i just sit here typing something so others can enjoy. my life is an open book... but enjoy people i dont know how long ill last

im writing more tonite on the premise that i have to or else i will explode. less that i really want to, i havent really felt like it lately. certain things ive thought of. im just gonna let it out, without much rhetoric attached, just random thoughts that have been floatin around in my head for a few days now that need to be let out one way or another.
first off. congress... we had a discussion in class yesterday about pork. pork not as in mmm yummy pork but rather as in boring pork, the kind senators attach to bills and such to bring money to the district. this isnt going to get boring or anything. i have 2 ideas for this. i personally support pork,i love pork. everyone needs pork. pork too... one proposal for those who dont like pork is to send our budget to jolly ole england to do. hell, whats wrong with that? less pork and the inevitable increase in pubs and such!! LESS PORK MORE PUBS!!! ITS PORK AND PUBS I LOVE IT!!! even though i cant drink yet... o well, i can always dream. and, after the pubs move in congress can start making a good reputation for themselves. theres only 1 good way to do this. get this: CONGRESSIONAL PORK!! or CAPITAL HILL BILL'S!! they cater pork to people and events. congressional pork. right now, people think of congress and they think of pork, but after that, people will think of congress and think of pork. ahah its the end of our nations problems yay!! whoo im a little hyper tonite... also, say you have enough money to play the stock market for fun. would you buy stock in a small strugglin business that you really believe in and love to go to or some global giant thats a guaranteed cash vache (cow)? does this really happen to people? does it say what kind of person you are?? i dont know but o well. well thats all for tonite!! i dont know about me but hell im a fuckin crazy fool. tonite anyway... forgive me GOODNITE!!!

i was thinking about the last post some more today and i thought of something else. a lot of this stuff we take for granted... i mean, where did shaking hands come from anyway? (im not looking for actual explanations here) or kissing or hugging or flipping the bird or a pat on the back (or the butt) or waving or smiling or laughing or crying or clapping...? all of those are wierd once you look at it from an outside standpoint but clapping and smiling are the freaky ones to me. really, for once look at people. clapping: its slapping our hands together to make a loud sound that we take to mean praise. doesnt that sound a little off to you? look at the people, im serious. we laugh at seals and walruses when they clap but looking at people doing it gives me the same picture. smiling, well we really are the oddballs here. think of it. people baring their teeth to show they're what, angry? no, they're happy. the rest of the animal kingdom bares their teeth to fight or to show anger but we expose our enamel because we're happy... seriously, what shows happiness more than the organs we grind our food with? these gestures may mean a lot but once you really look at it like you've never seen it before, it really looks stupid... well sort of. i dont doubt the meaning and expression behind these nor condone the people who practice this everyday because thats society, society claps so i clap, if society smiles then i will too. however stupid it is.
on top of all this i would like to propose a new greeting. whats the one thing that everyone loves? no matter what race, religion, gender, species... right, everyone loves a good back scratch. if everyone loves it that much, why isnt it done more often? if you're really friends with someone you practically owe it to them. a smile may look good (or odd) and a hug will make you feel... them, but what makes you feel better than a back scratch? its almost the only practical greeting i can think of. walk up to someone and scratch them on the back... BAM!! instant friend. you see what i mean. back scratching doesnt look funny (well it wont in the future hahaha...) and people really love it when it happens. so next time you see someone you love, show them you care, not with a hug or a kiss, but with what they really secretly want... a nice back scratch.

theres something ive been noticing recently, no its not that the canes are dying, which they are, its about two guys meeting for the first time. when a guy meets another guy for the first time, do you say hey or shake hands? older guys always shake hands and younger guys never do. its like its taboo or something. i know when a younger guy meets an older guy they shake hands but thats just cuz one guy is older and one is younger. i mean, if it does deal with age, is it a big deal? is this like the time when a boy becomes a man?? is it when he suddenly has the urge to take his hand out of his pocket and shake with the guy? is this how you know you're an adult? it could mean a variety of things. so many questions associated with such a simple gesture. whats the transition like? i mean is it instantaneous? do you just get up one day and shake hands? is it a process where there is an uncomfortable transition phase when put your hand up, pause, fake and then decide whether to go or not? if this is really the transition into manhood is there a way to prevent it? could you be more fun if you refuse to shake hands? like staying a kid... do guys become boring adults when they start? its really actually in reality a complicated issue. so think the next time you shake a guys hand, or not, what the consequences of this might be...

i have a confession to make. im not catholic but i still feel that you need to hear this. i am a sick person. a sick sick person. no i dont talk about sex and drugs to everyone and no im not a perv or anything, just sick. ive been sick for a week and i hate it. i havent written anything good, why? because im sick. i know by now you hate me being sick too, yeah sure you do. well, if you do or not i will explain anyway. if you've read the last entry, you will have noticed that my dad was sick for a while. well, in the confines of that little, cramped, clostrophobic, absolutely WONDERFUL roadster, im pretty sure i got down with the sickness. this was one of my better sicknesses tho. the symptoms didnt include fun stuff like plugged nose and nausea. already i was wishing that if i had to ever be sick, this is how i would be sick... but it progressed and grew into the hideous monster of a day or two ago. it started with a little throat pain, nothing big but just enough to make you swallow every 20 seconds (why do you do that anyway??). anyway, the throat pain brought a partner to this specific little hoe down. i'd like to think of it as a brain freeze without the pain or the icecream. i couldnt think straight, you know, walking into tables and banging my head into light fixtures (of course i do that all the time anyway... dont deny it you know you do to). ive said a lot of stupid incoherent things in the last week and i apologize for that, i just hope you guys laughed. now the thing about being sick is avoiding mornings. i can wrap up all nite and talk to people and be just fine. i can cough some and live with it. but mornings, oh mornings, mornings are the devil. in the morning, everything is magnified. light is too bright, the clock is too small, your head hurts like shit ahh, your throat hurts like shitty shit ahhh, and your thinking is half dreaming and incoherent which can be a little fun. the lighter on the table becomes... ::hey, theres a fire... whoooa:: you know how it is. can be interesting if imposed on the right people. for example, your friends sneak into your room while your still asleep and have a conversation with you, they record it and play it at school... very entertaining. there are the wrong people too. take your parents, who yell at you and you yell back and they yell at you and you yell back and end up forgetting the whole thing. this tends to piss them off. but then again, its much worse on sick days. then again, you could just call and stay home. this is a little known remedy known as hookey. staying home from school with no parents means you are better. really, it works. so i stay home the next monday we're supposed to go to school. felt great, it was all wonderful... then my parents came home and i was sick again, i hate this. anyway, another thing about staying home, in the end you will be forced to go to the doctors. your parents are likely to say its just because they love you and really think you're sick but really its just to prove their point that you arent so they can bitch at you about it later. trust me, thats what its about. well i got busted on this certain occasion. its odd here, we get to the doctor's 10 minutes late and still have to wait in that little room for 20 minutes before he gets to us. its a time travel oddity: whenever you arrive it will be at least 15 minutes before the doctor will see you. anyway, after he got there, he gets the pleasure of writing a small novel on the back of my throat with a cotten swab. this he enjoys. why? because i gag like a little girl the whole time... sick pleasure. but anyway, after all that he comes back and says, nope not strep, just a virus. my mom gives me one of those looks and im busted. why cant i ever get sick?? nobody ever feels sorry for the guy with the virus... i mean theres always the kid at school with the broken arm, the one that got back from cancer, the one battling migrains... they get sympathy from other people. then theres me with my virus and im just nasty... o well. today i thought it was gone. i hadnt taken any pills yet and i was still alive and thinking. o all that was about to change. after the stupid band sex-tional and going to get a new cd player for my car (sweeeeet premium audio baby!!) i noticed i was itching on my arm. it was just a little spot. i leave it alone and dont worry. 30 minutes later, i go into the bathroom its a welt! ahh and oh my legs are itching too... awww nooo, this sucks guys cuz im breaking out, breaking out in hives. hives, big white red welts on my arms, legs, hips, everywhere im literally covered in the buggers. now, ive had hives once before. i went to the doctor or something and got an injection or something and it went away in a few days. those few days sucked. so i come home itching (but with a new cd player) and get straight into a bathtub filled with oatmeal. yes people, if you havent ever had hives thats what they do to you, give you oatmeal baths... with oatmeal soap... nasty. anyway, after my oatmeal scrubbin, i get out and find this oil (im on more pills again by now). so i pour some out and its all yellow and old and thick and ive just got to use it cuz my leg resembles the dark side of the moon. as well as both arms, the other leg, my hips and well you get the point. so i climb in the bathtub again, pour this greasy stuff all over me and rinse it off again. i could run a quarter over my arm and scrape some off it was so nasty... but hey, it worked. i love this! so i put on a bathrobe and flannel pants and im all comfortable and my parents wait on my and feed me and i watch hockey and its all wonderful. but then! the great thing about hives is they come in an hour but leave in 5 minutes. suddenly i looked and they were literally all gone... amazing, but wonderful. so anyway, here i am all greasy skinned and scratching my bellybutton... and life's cool. all i have to worry about now is whats next because i know its not over. bad things come in 3's rite? well bring it on, im ready, i can take it... and if i cant i will just drink some tea, lay down and submiss untill im strong enough to beat it. my confidence is sky high. sure it is, now whos gonna do your algebra homework eh? you cant just imagine imaginary numbers... o shit forgot about that....

The Return and Sequels 3,4, and 5
well, its thrusday and i now realize that i couldnt have jynxed myself more. up there last nite writing all cocky like it was over... i screwed myself right then and there. "well bring it on, im ready, i can take it..." yeah rite. well i didnt mean literally, give me a break. anyway the point to all this is that the damn hives actually came back. not only did they return, the came and went at leisure 3 more times. this is killin me, slowly but surely breaking me down until my skin will all welt up and crack and i will fall into a pyramid of dust. the bad part is, theres nothing i can do about it. i can take these little yellow pills to make it not itch as bad but i cant erase the little plateau's from my legs... or arms or chest or back or face for that matter. i cant believe i actually thought they were gone, and then asked for them to come back... MORON! but anyway, i found out this morning at 3am. i was having a dream that for some reason everything i did made me itch somewhere. it was like i was voluntarily flipping cards and a tv beside me would go grey and static. when this happened i would itch all over and scratch, then voluntarily flip another card. like i needed to do that... i finally woke up to find more hives. this time they covered the top of my feet and my chest and a little on my face. this was really annoying. the only good part about it was that only my feet itched. so i went back downstairs and took another pill. now i had to go back to my room and attempt to sleep with my feet literally dancing under the covers cuz it itches so bad. so i turn the tv on to catch a conan rerun on nbc. i watch this boredly for a while and finally notice that my feet have settled down and i was gettin sleepy. i love those pills... anyway, i woke up this morning with the same hives in the same spots as last night. almost didnt come to school but i did, and it turns out the shit on my face went away before i got there, thank god. the rest of the crap went away after a period. again, im over it, whoo... again, a period later, its back again. ugh i hate this again. shit covering my legs and chest again. take another pill. it goes away again, whoo... an hour later im at home. its back again, dammit ahhhh!!! same place as before but on the face too!!! i face it for another fucking hour and it goes away again. by now i have abandoned the "whoo." im convinced that this may be one of the instigators here. see, its an allergic reaction and ive got the tedious job of searching and destroying whats causing it. ive so far narrowed it down to three possible suspects. its either suspect A: a new deoderant i got a week ago and have been using since. contains aluminum, may cause allergic reactions... subject #2: the "whoo", everytime i think its gone and say ''whoo,'' it comes back... third exhibit: chapstick, im convinced its the new chapstick. my lips have been conspicuously dry lately so i tried a new chapstick. i could tell from the start something wasnt rite. it tasted funny, came in a black tube... many circumstances not gelling with the typical chapstick. no denying it quickly lubed my lips up nice and good but still, i would rather not have the hives dammit. ive stopped all three in an attempt to rid myself of this ugly disease. dont worry, im using another deoderant... so it comes back to now again. thursday nite. im not gonna risk it again. ive had a fairly good day (drove the miata wide open to get gas) and i dont want to risk it by daring the hives to come get me. sooo, to the hives: please please im begging you leave me alone. you can have your fucking chapstick back, just please dont hurt me. i can take the pills to keep myself alive but you still come back. i wont dare you to get me this time. im not as cocky as before. youve taught me my lesson. (never never ever use chapstick from a black tube) just let me be... and life will be sweet again. ill keep you posted guys, peace!

hmm, im guess im pretty happy rite now. ive had a good day today. besides the fact that i got up at 8:30... it was alright. see my dad's sick so he had to go to some family doctor somewhere in cary. the good part is, my uncle left his car with us for a month, a '97 mazda miata m-edition... i love it. the most fun car ive ever driven. too bad it was drizzlin out, i would have had the top down. but o well, i got to drive it into cary and to the doctors place. after sitting there for a minute waiting for my dad, i heard something from the back. it went a little something like this...
old lady- ::grumbled something::
doctor- now remember, you have to do this right, go to the bathroom and catch the urine in the cup after youve started to urinate. we need fresh urine.
old lady- ::grumbling loudly::
they really need insulated rooms, im telling you. well after that little adventure, hotdawgs and stuff and then home. i got to drive home thank god, i had already been long enough separated from the drivers seat. still, the car takes some getting used to. the throws are really short except to 5th when its really long, odd little roadster... anyway, the best part of my day was just after driving down a slow little stretch of country road, it turned onto a 2 lane hwy, limited at a nice 50 mph instead of 35. so i wait till its clear and gun the shit out of it. run it wide open to 60. scared the shit out of my dad but thats ok, he got over it. it was amazing, luckily i have it for another 3 weeks so maybe ill get a little more of it sometime soon.

if you ever watch snl, you have seen where sometimes jimmy fallon has an opinion. well i have an opinion on life alert! i saw that commercial for life alert again today. this time i actually watched the commercial instead of laughing at the guy that falls down (i know its mean but hey, hes pretty funny). i realized how stupid this life alert thing is. dont get me wrong, i understand how it surely saved that old lady's life when she fell or something but its really just not practical for everyday use. first of all, i know old people dont really care what they wear but its really really ugly. i mean, nothing labels you as 'geezer' more than that bulky grey box hanging on your waist. plus i dont know how they know which ones to push... that guy with the heart attack, he was falling over but instead of trying to stop himself, he, without looking, went down and pressed the correct button on that box and managed to explain his problem, all while he was falling. he must be some kindof old guy prodigy. i cant even do that, much less no look. lets get off the prodigy old people and get to the regular, everyday, joe and jane seniors. if, say, one of them was having a heart attack, they would just fall down. if they were still concious, they might grope for the box and attemt to locate the right button. once found, the coordinating finger-button movements can be challenging. once all that is done, the process of explaining just what is happening would be tough, and all before you passed out... also, the buttons are just way too small. lets say your house is on fire and you, gramps, are sprinting for the door. in your excitement at getting to use your new product (as seen on TV) you accidently press the wrong little small key. 10 minutes later, poison control shows up at your burning building and in a crazy attempt to save it, sprays some chemicals on the fire... boom, no more house, no more poison control, no more gramps. even then, what makes you think the belt unit would work when the relay is melting in the house?? its just not feasible. on a final note, i applaud the makers of life alert on their efforts to make old people's lives a little safer but i still believe that you would fare better with a brand new hoveround (with almost no money out of pocket if you have medicare!!) thanks...