mags: the lake is the only entertainment

me: ah and cheese

mags: yes there is always cheese

me: mmm cheese

mags: and beer...but i can't enjoy that part yet.

me: haha

mags: and in the winter there's the packers

me: right

mags: and we have no covered the three most important parts of wisconsin life

me: cheese beer and the packers

me: wonderful

me: ill remember that for when i never go to wisconsin

a few random things among others to relate... one of the days i was at st. mary's i noticed one of the other lifeguards had brought in this big old thick book. shes in college and smart so i was thinking cool, what could it be? war and peace? a volume of dead russian authors? robert frost memoirs... i dont know. so i stole a glance and to my great disappointment it was... please anyone venture a guess here... right, harry potter... why does this sicken me so?

you remember i wrote about the little wreck with the volvo earlier, well something else happened. i have keyless entry for the car but it worked on all the doors except the drivers, rendering it useless to me. its always been like that so i wasnt worrying about it. since if you manually lock it or unlock it, it electronically unlocks the other doors its nothing electronic, but since it would work from other locks we figured it was the solenoid valve that broke. this made perfect sense. so i kindof threatened to replace the valve mentally. anyway, after the wreck, it magically works again. i dont know if it was the threat or the little bump or a combination but hey, ive got keyless entry. a newfound lux... makes me feel good. now how long will it last before i have to smack another saturn to get it back?

ha, thats another notch on the saint, bastard.

i finished up work at the st. mary's camp today... kindof sad actually. i was freaked at the beginning when i found that they were all (100) little girls but theyve grown on me (no im not a sex offender so dont even think it). after all, i got $80 for just sleeping and standing for three 15 minute periods every day... it wasnt hard. the girls were sweet though. i ended up picking a favorite out of every group. from the first group, my favorite was definitely lucy... shes the one with the eyes i wrote about earlier. doing that swim test with her or seeing her swim was great. i actually think she got better over the week. from the second group i liked dee dee (diane i guess). i got to know dee dee a little thursday when she was giving me a heart attack by playing on the side of the pool instead of in it. i kept having to tell her to slow down or not to run etc. the thing is, she had this other friend and they had this floatable basketball net with a beachball in it. for some reason she wouldnt let the other kids using it cause it was sitting there. i dont know why but it wasnt my business. so dee dee was a little bossy, i dont mind. she had this red ball. she got the biggest kick by tossing it back over her head and going to get it. just this big smile and a giggle, especially when it came close enough for me to catch and throw it back. really sweet kid. from the third group i picked what i believe is lucy's sister, lily. she was similar to lucy but didnt quite have the same beautiful eyes. she started the week wearing this life preserver cause she couldnt swim very well, didnt take the swim test. in the middle of thursday swim she up and took it off and got in the pool. i watched her a little closer and she was staying close to the wall but swam some too. today she had this big striped yellow and purple float that you lay on. she would be trying to get on it in the water but couldnt quite do it so id call her to the edge of the pool and tell her to get out. i would hold it on the edge so she could lay down then ask her if she wanted a noodle too (cause she had used it earlier). she'd say, "no, i think im fine without it." i would go and pull the front into the water then slide the float off into the pool from the back and she would smile really big and give me a thanks and just look at me for a second before paddling away... i bet i did that three times for her today. ha, i guess this week wasnt too bad after all.

in other news, i had a *small* wreck in the volvo yesterday. i was at starbux and had just gotten a nice mocha-cocanut frappuchino and was sitting in my car counting my change. see, if i hadnt counted the change it wouldnt have happened. i had the drink in my right hand but dont think its my fault cause of that cause i dont use my right hand anyway. i was backing out to the left when i crunched this damn saturn wagon behind me. shit i thought, i better git... but i didnt run, just pulled back out into the spot to see what happened. of course i went to their car before inspecting mine (i wasnt worried, not a scratch anyway, thanks volvo...) and saw the old lady had this small dent with a little paint scrape in the middle. not too bad i thought. well the woman sounded nice but she was really a sly old bitch. she kindof took my name and number like it was my fault even though... dum dum duuummm... she was three feet out of her fucking spot. apparently she tried to hit the horn before i hit her but not quick enough... hmm... likely story. the way i see it we both looked then both backed, i just backed quicker and its justifiable that way that its both of our faults, not just mine cause volvo makes a more dent resistant car than saturn. so its complete bullshit. they havent called me or anything so i just shrugged it off as not my fault that the damn old lady was three feet out of her damn parking spot. end of story.

today at work we had a fly problem. in the guard shack at the pool all these flies were swarming around and nobody knew what they were looking for. well at one point while i was at the stand val got tired of it. so val grabs the fly swatter and starts a lil fly genocide in our shack. when i got back bodies littered the floor, it was a massacre. she was still running around swatting shit and told me to try to hold down the fort while she went back up on the stand. i got a wasp with 'the saint' and ended up with 12 other flies before she got back. so now val's the exterminator and i... well i helped. tomorrow we take the bodies elsewhere, make a pile, and burn them to draw the flies that way... hahaha damn flies. peace y'all

so im eating a hot pocket wondering why the damn things cost so much. well ive figured it out. they, like other companies throw in worthless extras to make their product sound better. like this little cardboard 'crisping sleeve' you stick the hot pocket in while heating it. that has to at least increase the price by 10%... and a cardboard 'crisping sleeve'??? what bullshit...

for the past few days ive been working at a summer camp. after i was hired and on the job i found that it was an all girls summer camp... cool. but wait, an all girls ages 5-7 summer camp... not cool. oh well, little girls are cute. and im the only guy i see all day. the first day we were doing swim tests in the fucking cold pool. there were plenty of little girls all smiling and yapping about shit etc. but one was really amazing. there was this one girl that i did the test for, she was kindof small and didnt really know how to swim. i would walk backwards in front of her but instead of swimming to the wall she would swim to me. that seemed a little odd, maybe she wasnt as confident as the others, i dont know. one thing though, when she swam she kept her head above water and stared at me. she has the biggest brown eyes youve ever seen. they're beautiful, like holes opening up in the sky. she doesnt speak much because she says everything with those eyes. they are the kind of eyes that either forces you to look deep into them or look away. so while she was swimming she was staring at me with those eyes. it just locked me in place, i had to remember to keep walking while just being sucked in by those eyes. you can see so much in them. she was struggling to swim so i helped her some. just deep in those eyes i could see expectations of me, like she looked up to me and expected something of me and i didnt know what it was but i didnt want to fail her. it was just... so wierd how they can trap you like that. even now, standing on the edge of the pool watching all of them play around i will look down and she will be floating on a noodle or something and look up at me and smile with her mouth and her eyes and ill smile back...

you remember people say that when one of your senses goes the others get stronger. well im a firm believer in that. i havent lost any of my senses but did have an experience to prove it to me. a few nights ago, while i was at the beach, i decided to listen to some music before i went to sleep. i only got through one song because what was going on was kindof wierd. see, while i had the music playing my hearing was essentially numb, numb to the room and world around me that is. so, naturally, my other senses became more perceptive of it. i had my eyes closed as well so for some reason i felt like i could feel everything. just lying there i could feel my heart beat in my chest, in my leg, i could feel the bed sway a little and the floor creak. i felt as though someone were sneaking in my room but when i looked no one was there. when i closed my eyes i could feel the whole building move, all 4 floors over my head. it was amazing to me, really.

on another note, the people i work with at the pool are crazy. we have a broom at the pool. the broom hangs sideways on a wall. its a short black broom named "the saint." the saint has about 20 notches in one side. each notch stands for a wasp or horsefly the saint has killed today. our own manager christened it 'the saint' and started the notches... this summer is going to be grand.

i love getting a tan like i did this week. it actually worked, first time... ever haha. i figure now im multi-racial. see, in the open im a slightly burnt white guy. in a shadow im a pretty good indian. most significantly, in the dark im a perfect black man... oh and dammit, please everyone, when you finish the roll of toilet paper just replace the damn thing so i dont have to. please dammit...

everybodys fighting over hits and comparing counters etc... its starting to bug me so i forfeit because i just dont care. i dont have one of those little update my life blogs you can post to 5 times a day, its just not my thing. i appreciate all those who visit the site regularly, i still write for you guys even when i dont for myself. peace everyone.

i wonder if cartoon characters ever get tired of wearing the same clothes over and over every day of their insignificant lives...

ive been finding myself with not much to say lately but thats ok i guess. anyway, we went to the driving range today which was fun but ended up being a pain. when we got there there was this old lady trying to give away this manx kitten, pretty cute lil thing really. anyway we went in and got our bucket-o-balls and went out underthe canopy to shag some (golf balls that is). not much really happened for a while, i figured out i was using a 7 wood instead of a 1... really odd cause you dont see them much. no wonder i kindof sucked. maybe thats just me cause my back started hurting too. i got a break when my dad sent me inside to get a golf glove cause i didnt have one. the dude had no idea what he was doing but still picked the right size on the first try, lucky bastard. so went back out in the heat and continued shagging. of course my hands were getting sore but that was of no consequence for that one of seven times i would supa-shag one about 200-250 straight to center. most of the time i just shagged hookers or sliced the bitch but that was ok. even though i could hit it farther theres an old airplane out about 125 that we all try to hit, theres an old short school bus with the windows half down the same distance out on the other end that i shagged a ball into last year... it was sweet. so i eventually bounced one that popped the plane, yay me, no pressure anymore anyway. the wierd thing was how badly i can hit a ball. im right handed so naturally i stand and try to hit the ball to my left, makes sense. well i managed to hit about 8 straight forward into the short lil wall separating myself from my sister who ended up being freaked out by it. i managed to hit one that went directly behind me... not sure how that happened. the strangest one i hit was real low, low enough and sharp forward enough that it hit the inside of my ball pit and went out to my right, out of the canopy and almost smacked a kid walking to his car... oh well, he gave the ball back. among other things my sister in front of my was swinging really hard with bad form and looked dangerous with the club. i was about to ask her not to let go with one hand lest she hit me behind her with it but didnt and sure enough, next swing she lets go of the club that goes flying off behind her out into the range about 25 yards away (about twice how far the ball went)... now we had to stop the game so she could go run get the club. sigh... well after holding my club for an hour nonstop shagging those balls, combined with the fact that i hadnt golfed in a long time... i managed to get about 5 blisters on my hands with 4 balls left. the club was rotating from hitting the ball with the end of the club head and ripped a swath of skin off my finger. of course i finished the balls and went inside to wash my hand while my sister threw another club. so sorry i missed it. so ahh yes, the fun of the driving range. i always gain a lot. like a sore back, a bandaged hand, and only slightly more pride. maybe i should try tennis more... umm no, maybe later. sorry for the inuendoes... peace

i was reading a little tvguide article off the net on the saturday night live cast and found an interview with jeff richards. turns out he went to unc chapel hill... interesting i thought but he had a little story to go with it. he was in a class with antawn jamison (basketball player for the less acc affluent...) and needed a pencil. so he asks antawn for a pencil and gets a hello kitty one from him. if that settles any issues im glad.

i was walking the beach today, my sister and my dad behind me. naturally, my sister and my dad were searching for sharks tooths etc. while my mom and i talked about random things. since it was bright out, though, we were watching the ground too, just for fun. my sis comes up with all these teeth all excited and shit and runs off with my dad again. i remember i used to be the same way, it was such a big deal to dig up these little treasures, like you were the tooth fairy or something. im not really good at it anymore, a little too tall to be seeing these things. anyway, i glance down and see one in the sand. i pick it up and go over it, you know, its beautiful really. but you know, for the first time i really didnt have an urge to toss it in a can with the others and brag about it later. if i saw a little kid looking around for something i would have given it to them but i didnt so i showed it to my mom and walked out in the surf and threw it back into the sea... it felt good, really, like i had more valuble things on my mind.

anyway, among other things i was reading the july car and driver and noticed some cool stuff about one of the cars. the saleen s7, from famous mustang tuner steve saleen, apparently is an amazing vehicle. first of all its light as all get out, the bodywork is completely carbon fiber with aluminum strips sandwiched in carbon fiber for the stiff parts. unlike the new ferrari enzo, whos nose is easily bruised, the s7's low sleek horizontal spoiler is made to scrape the ground... being 1" thick and completely constructed of carbon fiber with replacable teflon strips on the bottom, it can support all of the car's 2865 lbs. the best part, steve claims that the car creates enough downforce to drive on the ceiling at 160+ mph... so thats what you get for $400,000, an american made supercar that can drive on the ceiling... what a concept.

one thing i know... god is in the sun and the moon and the clouds. i can tell because i have never seen anything so amazing or beautiful as the clouds after the sun has set, each one a different color, over a pasture full of cows and a pond off a country highway or the moon in an open patch of sky giving the rest of the clouds a silver lining among the starry night. its all the proof i need...

so i was lifeguarding today... for once in a blue moon. and to think, nobody died on me... well almost anyway. first off it was a regular holocaust, a horsefly genocide. left and right the little fuckers were buzzing and being shot down. they seemed particularly attracted to cameron but not me... im not complaining. anyway, their little carcasses litter the water. aside from the regular hum drum shit there were these guys who kept standing on each other and seeing who could hold their breath the longest. this really pissed me off cause it kept making me want to jump in on them, after all i wouldnt know if they were drowning or not. then i realized that i must have been a heart attack waiting to happen to all those guards from the past. the last and saddest (but funny) part of my day came in the 4th shift on the stand. i look down and see this barbee doll in an nc state cheerleading outfit floating in the water face up. theres a fly nestled on her left breast... hmm i was thinking, that cant be really comfortable but barbee didnt do anything so i left it for the fly's enjoyment. a little later this little 3 year old girl spotted the doll and cried 'barbee! barbee!' so her dad floated her over there. awww i thought, as she picked up the doll, isnt that sweet... well as it turns out, the little girl picks up a water gun, holds it to po' barbee's head and, execution style, ices her on the spot. i watched with my mouth gaping open then broke out laughing... i dont think ill ever forget that image of her floating motionless in the water (will i danielle?)... thats a few bucks at least, peace guys!

why does my printer fling paper across the room? a piece just landed 7 feet away and now i have to roll over and get it, so much effort...

whoa, that was great. its like 90 out today so since i was hot and nobody's home i thought i would take the jeep (with no top) out for a spin to cool off. well i took her all around my neighborhood then sped down to the other neighborhood and went all down there and came back home and was cooled off. now, while i was speeding toward the second neighborhood it got me wondering... if i get arrested for 1) speeding, 2) driving with no seatbelt, or 3) indecent exposure (no shirt of course)... do you think they will bust me for driving without a license too? oh well, it was grand anyway.

hah, maybe we will get married while on a snowskiing trip in hell...

i think i speak for everyone when i say...: where in the hell does the hulk grow those little purple shorts from???

you know, no matter what your situation is, its humbling to know that in that instant, somewhere in the world... the sun is shining, the moon is out, its raining, snowing, lightning, theres a warm breeze blowing, somewhere is still as death; someones giving a kiss, receiveing a hug, making up, breaking up, laughing, crying, living, dying, theres birthdays, wild parties, funerals, mass (for you catholics), church, cults, someone's lonely, someone just got back who they were missing; theres love, hate, joy, depression, situations we wish we had, unimaginable downfalls... all in the same moment

to make matters lighter, chances are that right now: you are loved by people you know and people you dont, youre better off than at least a billion people just because youre reading this, you will wake up tomorrow, you have the opportunity to find the joy in everything if you try, you may even find something you lost...

remember... theres always love around, only sometimes you have to find it

i was at the pool last night for various reasons to see if some kids could swim. somehow it always apalls me that nobody knows how. i mean yeah there are the regular kids who can swim just fine but really there are a lot of 11 year old guys out there who dont know what the fuck they're doing. maybe its just cause i was raised to swim and kindof figured that you just know how but hey i might be wrong. this one kid i had to teach how to swim refused to go in water that was over his neck... at all. he would jump off the wall, struggle for a few feet, then stop and go back spitting something like "nasty" in the air. so i ended up, like a good old boy, walking the kid across the pool with my hand under his stomach while he struggled and danced (mostly the macarena... and you thought it was dead) and skimmed across the top of the water... propelled by me. (by the way, it was fairly warm outside but the pool was fucking cold and i really dont have that much body fat and, yeah, damn) not to be mean but the backstroke was pretty funny...

besides freezing my ass off, between the two pools we went to i managed to draw 2 relationships concerning bathing suits. both direct and opposite:
** men: the younger you are the more bathing suit you wear, the older you are... sigh... the less bathing suit you wear

**women: the younger you are the less bathing suit you wear, the older you are the more bathing suit you wear